Week 5: Sn00p vs. Vulgar (Tie 3-3)

UnbornBuddha · 08-03-2015, 12:45 AM

Very different verses.

Vulgar: I thought your rendition of love within war and of war within the confines of love was done well. It would have been nice, if you added a few grammatical punctuations here and there, it makes it look less sloppy in presentation. I'm sure it was your intention to convey it in way, but I'm a stickler for some types of pause. Yes, I know how some poets try to break free from the confines of language by trying to forsake it, with their anarchist type of idealism, but their rebellion really just comes off as immature. Nevertheless, to get back to the verse. Like I said I thought it was finely crafted, albeit the beginning felt kind of off. But, you quickly picked up speed, and ended it with a BANG.

Snoop: I thought your presentation was better than Vulgar's. In fact, I think your presentation is better than this whole league's. Your poetry comes off as poetry, and while there are dozens of styles and ways of writting poetry, nevertheless when I immediately see yours, I instantly recognize it as poetry. I also loved the rhythm of this, it was very melodic, and unlike Rak I don't believe you are talking about demons. I believe you are talking about this clowns, which could be a metaphor, but this clowns are seeking some redemption before their last hitch, which ultimately was one that did not come through, hence the empty stage, and only the memories of their endeavors remain, and sadness prevails.

Vote: I got to give it to Vulgar, contemplating them both I enjoyed more his content.

08-03-2015, 12:45 AM	#11
UnbornBuddha Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 1,008 Battle Record: 23-10 Champed - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 5 Rep Power: 23856379	Very different verses. Vulgar: I thought your rendition of love within war and of war within the confines of love was done well. It would have been nice, if you added a few grammatical punctuations here and there, it makes it look less sloppy in presentation. I'm sure it was your intention to convey it in way, but I'm a stickler for some types of pause. Yes, I know how some poets try to break free from the confines of language by trying to forsake it, with their anarchist type of idealism, but their rebellion really just comes off as immature. Nevertheless, to get back to the verse. Like I said I thought it was finely crafted, albeit the beginning felt kind of off. But, you quickly picked up speed, and ended it with a BANG. Snoop: I thought your presentation was better than Vulgar's. In fact, I think your presentation is better than this whole league's. Your poetry comes off as poetry, and while there are dozens of styles and ways of writting poetry, nevertheless when I immediately see yours, I instantly recognize it as poetry. I also loved the rhythm of this, it was very melodic, and unlike Rak I don't believe you are talking about demons. I believe you are talking about this clowns, which could be a metaphor, but this clowns are seeking some redemption before their last hitch, which ultimately was one that did not come through, hence the empty stage, and only the memories of their endeavors remain, and sadness prevails. Vote: I got to give it to Vulgar, contemplating them both I enjoyed more his content. Last edited by UnbornBuddha; 08-03-2015 at 02:43 PM.