Creation Bested Me....

Truth Iscariot · 03-17-2015, 11:54 AM

Everything I create negates it's intention
I'm stuck in retention. Absorbed in affliction

Mark my indifference....
The seconds tick. Time deafening
Time defining. Time degrading it all
Minutes are the war horn
Which signal mighty Gibraltars fall

There's no soothsayer to save me
From the prison created in blunder
It's no wonder Alcatraz is unending
For a soul such as I. Even the sky above
Configured with clouds formed like shackles
Know well that the chains follow
Into the never, into the morrow.

So which warden will rule in my stint here?
Allah, Christ, or King Fear?
Their crowns - all adorned with horns
Ornaments of Torment. Clear to see
Even in the abyss of utter confinement.

I lie awake in my holding cell
Holding hell close to my chest
As my heart harks to other heathens held
Against beating breast. Forfeited will
A plight to which I can mightily attest.
I ponder, "Are we all under arrest
In the name of intentions we grow to regret?"

Truth Iscariot · 03-20-2015, 06:48 PM

No love, no hate, no nothing?

dead man · 03-20-2015, 10:28 PM

love

Truth Iscariot · 03-21-2015, 08:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dead man

love

Ha, that's all I need to know brother.

Thanks for the read.

Pharaohs Army · 03-24-2015, 09:14 PM

bravo...It was simple and complex at the same time. complex rhyme scheme but put together cleverly and tightly.

"time deafening / time defining"
"degrading it all / Gibraltars fall"

I like those rhymes. and seem to warm me up to even 'crazier' things such as:

Configured with clouds formed like shackles

and

Even in the abyss of utter confinement

Props. I'd argue these lines 'rhyme the least' yet quite possibly 'sound the best'. And for different reasons. The first just because it sounds good. And has a simile for your imprisoned theme. Hard to explain.

The latter because of what precedes it. "Ornaments of Torment". At first I didn't like that phrase because I was 'looking before it', but it perfectly helps "utter confinement". So on my second glimpse it was very good.

I.m.o.,Tricky for people who did not write it (i.e. me) to immediately bring out the 'full potential' of this verse without multiple reads. But that's not necessarily a bad thing and I can relate.

Truth Iscariot · 03-25-2015, 07:12 AM

Thank you PA I really appreciate it. Glad you enjoyed the read.

Split Eight · 03-25-2015, 09:35 AM

seems depressing. there's no resolution, right? you do things then you wish you did other things but then you die instead? interesting

03-17-2015, 11:54 AM	#1
Truth Iscariot Pimpin' Butterflies Join Date: May 2014 Location: NC Posts: 41 Rep Power: 741380	Creation Bested Me.... Everything I create negates it's intention I'm stuck in retention. Absorbed in affliction Mark my indifference.... The seconds tick. Time deafening Time defining. Time degrading it all Minutes are the war horn Which signal mighty Gibraltars fall There's no soothsayer to save me From the prison created in blunder It's no wonder Alcatraz is unending For a soul such as I. Even the sky above Configured with clouds formed like shackles Know well that the chains follow Into the never, into the morrow. So which warden will rule in my stint here? Allah, Christ, or King Fear? Their crowns - all adorned with horns Ornaments of Torment. Clear to see Even in the abyss of utter confinement. I lie awake in my holding cell Holding hell close to my chest As my heart harks to other heathens held Against beating breast. Forfeited will A plight to which I can mightily attest. I ponder, "Are we all under arrest In the name of intentions we grow to regret?"

03-20-2015, 06:48 PM	#2
Truth Iscariot Pimpin' Butterflies Join Date: May 2014 Location: NC Posts: 41 Rep Power: 741380	No love, no hate, no nothing? __________________ Self Proclaimed... Nigga tale it to Chaucer..

03-20-2015, 10:28 PM	#3
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,468 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606676	love __________________ Zack Wicks for president

03-25-2015, 07:12 AM	#6
Truth Iscariot Pimpin' Butterflies Join Date: May 2014 Location: NC Posts: 41 Rep Power: 741380	Thank you PA I really appreciate it. Glad you enjoyed the read. __________________ Self Proclaimed... Nigga tale it to Chaucer..

03-24-2015, 09:14 PM	#5
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,962 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	bravo...It was simple and complex at the same time. complex rhyme scheme but put together cleverly and tightly. "time deafening / time defining" "degrading it all / Gibraltars fall" I like those rhymes. and seem to warm me up to even 'crazier' things such as: Configured with clouds formed like shackles and Even in the abyss of utter confinement Props. I'd argue these lines 'rhyme the least' yet quite possibly 'sound the best'. And for different reasons. The first just because it sounds good. And has a simile for your imprisoned theme. Hard to explain. The latter because of what precedes it. "Ornaments of Torment". At first I didn't like that phrase because I was 'looking before it', but it perfectly helps "utter confinement". So on my second glimpse it was very good. I.m.o.,Tricky for people who did not write it (i.e. me) to immediately bring out the 'full potential' of this verse without multiple reads. But that's not necessarily a bad thing and I can relate.

03-25-2015, 09:35 AM	#7
Split Eight ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Join Date: Feb 2015 Posts: 1,633 Battle Record: 3-5 Champed - Haiku Writers Challenge Rep Power: 85899377	seems depressing. there's no resolution, right? you do things then you wish you did other things but then you die instead? interesting