10-07-2014, 07:53 PM | #1 |
obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,716
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599679 |
2AM. It was 2PM. But I slept 12 hours.
its 2am
i feel interconnected through any vine or snippet of life perennial inflorescence of any 6 seconds are chimed the success is a hive. hummingbird wings in slow motion hearing the crickets sing, so monotone yet obscurely composed feels like they're talking to me, as i walk on the leaves that i cross demure. you're so provocative. and i'm surely a ghost crunching of autumn, is like a skeleton field for tiny trees in the fall to possess you is a perfect choice, and you're as alluring, a host sunbathed petals, drowning in jack'o'lanterns of coffee & pumpkin squash the soggy leaves, after a beer. underneath the frothy assumptions it's cost me a fortune. ink-jets flew the loss to the profits that's just the cost out of pocket, i wore the pants, but you wore the wallet living a martyr. nose-dive a dotted plane into soil where waves were uncoiled, from the amber gaze, to the point where it boiled hear the ether perform. a duet with 42 degrees, and a choir robotic vampire, nothing to do but to sink my teeth into wires mechanical organism, metamorphing orphan. with a heart full of gears bleeding gasoline endorphins. pros&cons was the love you pretended to smear propane huffed outta' my ears, olfactory prose transposing as mutants you wrote me off as a human, with me begging you to hear me out. it was ruthless. wasnt enough. contraption malfunction the sound drowned out. a whisper was like dropping a mountain above it teardrops were waves, where even a arc wouldnt suffice you took two of each beast that i had, so immediately, I.... just lost it. you whittled a soldier out of clay, from the earth a clone was conceived with a chisel that was made by the bones of deceased you were the cotton in an aspirin, a linen in my attire i wasnt accustom to go into combat for you with a war-drobe and the cloth that it's cut from ungodly. the humdrum. i couldnt acquire the taste you were so tongue in cheek with me. i blushed into haste, when you asked if i'd want some all i want is 5 minutes where we understand each other completely where we aren't drunk, or having sex. sigh. where you just complete me developments real. the buzzing of broken street lights. are loud suburban cemetery. not a real burial ground. that's the imagery allowed you stole what i had, but now that you did, my souls deep with love you need so badly what i have, but now i don't even want hows it feel to have it? i couldnt sate it but maybe i was deeply depressed it doesnt diminish my character. but it diminishes you. exposes your WEAKNESS. you werent even a friend you poked fun at my features, especially crucial to the dent near my nose which were filled with rain drops from my pupils. there now tears are used as placeholders, for now they're never exposed so hastily brash, sorta insane, but with class, you took the sage and lit ablaze the incense with aroma my nasal could grasp heart rates out the bag. but a cat caught this lung! out of breath and out of reach a tongue with an abrasive touch, i just wanna say, what i wanna say, without the effect of me to stay in this funk i dont even try to be me, i try to be me, but for you just like me. to see me as something else besides a jaded complexion. you were into astrology. i read the sign of a pisces for august 10th and copied it cause i knew you would make the connection i manipulated myself, but in that i manipulated you all it took was a simple placement of emotion, for you to be the creative ink of my next scintillating muse pixelating. ruse. miscellanoeus. who? ive never been vindicated cause vindications rude. ive been to places, you..... couldnt move to. in a million years walk a mile in my boots.. where bricks fall from the ceiling and the steel-toe sorta disappears. dissipating. pointless. ventilating. poignant. vision aided moistness where physics plays a joint version of the bible's revelations. over and over again. my wound is opening. fix the sutures. fix my future. remove gauze remove smog. sterilize. feral eyes. then apply the ointment. its 2am
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precision defender Last edited by big baby; 10-08-2014 at 11:47 AM. |
10-07-2014, 09:07 PM | #2 |
Senior Member
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Every time you post in OM I have to use "google define" a bunch of times, which is giving props to your vocabulary. I am working on reading this and will post what I think, when I have the time.
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10-07-2014, 09:41 PM | #3 |
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damn I was in the middle of reading & appreciating this... and got distracted by a topic that I had to get another screenshot of.
Damn, this shit was dope. I'm gonna have to give it a second read because I felt some sort of difference between the first two parts, and the third part. I'll reread this in the AOWL after your opponent posts. Now that I saw the topic line, I completely forgot what you wrote.
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theMuzzl3 AKA Malibu's Most Wanted Last edited by theMuzzl3; 10-08-2014 at 01:57 AM. |
10-08-2014, 11:41 AM | #4 | |
obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,716
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599679 |
Quote:
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precision defender Last edited by big baby; 10-08-2014 at 10:44 PM. |
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10-08-2014, 11:44 AM | #5 |
SOBER
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 13,052
Battle Record: 2-5
Champed - AOWL Season 2
Rep Power: 85899406 |
Send me a pm when you don't do a satirical piece and I'll read it or w/e
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10-08-2014, 11:46 AM | #6 |
obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,716
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599679 |
mike wrecka sucks
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precision defender Last edited by big baby; 10-08-2014 at 10:44 PM. |
10-08-2014, 11:46 AM | #7 |
SOBER
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 13,052
Battle Record: 2-5
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Rep Power: 85899406 |
I misunderstand the bb. All apologies.
Dead man = 2nd verse Me 1st verse split 3rd. But that I'm not positive about that. |
10-08-2014, 12:04 PM | #8 |
obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,716
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599679 |
mikewrecka has a little dick
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precision defender Last edited by big baby; 10-08-2014 at 10:43 PM. |
10-08-2014, 01:12 PM | #9 |
Senior Member
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10-08-2014, 05:45 PM | #10 |
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intredasting.jpg
That all makes sense. I made my guesses after a cursory glance, using surface level analysis (word choice, opening, etc.). For example, I can't recall deadman starting off one of his pieces with 'I' although I'm sure he has. Whereas I do it quite a bit (or s/he if it's a story type piece). That's just an example. Some other surface level stuff lead me to my conclusion. But word.
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If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me? |
10-08-2014, 09:15 PM | #11 |
living
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,468
Battle Record: 33-18
Accomplishments - Hall of Fame
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You guys are weird
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Zack Wicks for president |
10-08-2014, 10:08 PM | #12 |
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Lmao
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10-10-2014, 12:04 AM | #14 |
living
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whoever negged me to oblivion
thank you
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Zack Wicks for president |
10-11-2014, 10:16 PM | #15 |
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pure talent. top notch, those first two stanzas. in the third, the content is good, but from a technical aspect i can tell you freestyled or free versed. which is okay, but it seemed a vastly different kind of flow than the first two stanzas.
some very creative similes/ phraseology, particularly with respect to a significant other. seems authentic, translating thoughts&feelings to the page. lol but if you told me u jus made it up out of nowhere on the spot that also wouldn't surprise me either. anyway, i think you need to always use your best effort because it will mean great things. |
10-11-2014, 11:02 PM | #16 |
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i make comments about the writing before i read other people's comments (for obvious reasons).
but now as i scroll above it would appear that this was a collab. i stand by what i said, of course #3 doesn't "go with" #1&2, but on it's own it is fine.. took me some re-reads/examination because the first time reading the whole thing i was thrown off by the change. but IMO even the end of #3 is still different from the rest of #3. Split if that's you, it would appear we just have different styles. i "got" most of it; not all. and i guess somewhere in my comments there's a pun about the word split |
10-11-2014, 11:08 PM | #17 |
SYRACUSE
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Really bad. Would neg but must spread rep to destroy your hubris, illiteracy and worthless existence lol
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UNIFIED THEORY |
10-12-2014, 12:26 AM | #18 | |
obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,716
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599679 |
Quote:
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10-12-2014, 03:02 AM | #19 |
Senior Member
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This was indeed nice. My favorite was the first verse. I shall quote you my favorite renditions of this interpretation.
"sunbathed petals, drowning in jack'o'lanterns of coffee & pumpkin squash the soggy leaves, after a beer. underneath the frothy assumptions" "you were the cotton in an aspirin, a linen in my attire i wasnt accustom to go into combat for you with a war-drobe and the cloth that it's cut from ungodly. the humdrum. i couldnt acquire the taste you were so tongue in cheek with me. i blushed into haste, when you asked if i'd want some" "all it took was a simple placement of emotion, for you to be the creative ink of my next scintillating muse pixelating. ruse. miscellanoeus. who? ive never been vindicated cause vindications rude" As you can see I quoted the ending or near end to your stanzas, which goes to say that I especially enjoyed the way you closed each verse. Which is essentially a summary, a conclusion of the theoretical analysis, which in this case is one of mimicry. I found it intriguing how you stylistically and succinctly did this in order to mimic other fellow writers. I cannot say much about this, since I have not been exposed to the nuances of the material they encrypt. I will need to bask more of their writings to comprehend the finer points you are trying to resonate in. But, I will say in the time I have been here I have tried to expose myself to this "characters". Although, I did notice the stylistic shift in illustration, and of expression I cannot say there was absolute resemblance to what I have been previously exposed to. But perhaps as I said that is due to my own unknowing. Thank you... Last edited by UnbornBuddha; 10-12-2014 at 03:05 AM. |
10-12-2014, 09:27 AM | #20 |
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very cool
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