08-24-2014, 12:54 AM | #1 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Mad fucking dangerous.
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 12,072
Battle Record: 40-19
Champed - AOWL Season 3
- Art of Writing League (2x)
Rep Power: 85899403 |
SHORT-VERSE ROUND 1 MAGAZINE
Short Verse, Long Mag INTRODUCTION by Certain Hi, friends. This is a tremendous magazine, and I'm not going to waste much of your time on the introduction. I'm excited for this Short-Verse Topical Tournament because, if nothing else, it's a change of pace. In this magazine are a couple features by me, including a list of the top 40 topical battlers on Netcees. There's also audio predictions by me, full bracket projections by a few people and big baby doing his big baby predictions. Really, you've stopped reading this introduction. Oh, also, vote on the Final Four of the Alias Topical Tournament. The battles are open and good. SWALLOW THIS TIP by Certain Four strategy suggestions to keep in mind while writing for this tournament's specific parameters. 1. Don't try to do too much. This one seems obvious enough. Space is limited. Creativity is good. But you have to limit the amount of content you're going to get into a 10-line verse. Full, fleshed-out stories are not going to work here. 2. Compress but don't choke. Yes, your words are limited. That doesn't mean that you should start ignoring all tenets of grammar and writing style just to squeeze as much into your verse as possible. The people who find the happy medium, getting dense thoughts conveyed smoothly, will succeed here. 3. Rhyme schemes will be noticed. In some regular topical battles, simple rhyme schemes can be used for stretches in a verse to keep the story flowing, especially if more assertive schemes are used later or earlier. But there's no time for that here. I think rhyming is going to be a big factor in this tournament. 4. Don't get too abstract. It's going to be easy to write more abstract and poetic takes on topics when you've only got 10 lines to work with. But if you don't stay grounded, your voters have less space to sort through metaphors and find content they like. Basically, write well. The List TOP 40 TOPICAL BATTLERS by Certain This shit took a long time, so read it all for once instead of just searching for your own name, dickheads. This is a list of the best topical writers on this site. I decided who made this list. I decided the order of this list. I only picked people who have been involved in at least a handful of topical battles on this site. When I say "this site," I mean Netcees.co. I wasn't around for the previous version. I wasn't around for eight years. But I probably have read something like 70% of the topical battles ever on this version of Netcees. To be clear: Open Mic verses and non-Netcees.co writing was not factored in at all in these rankings. That's why you'll see some people who seem to be ranked a little too low. They probably haven't shown everything they are capable of on this version of this site. But I didn't think it was fair to factor in that I read Atheist's amazing stories on RhymeNReason a decade ago without counting stuff by, say, Bladed Thesis, who was well established at another respected site but new to me when he came here. If you're wondering why seeding does not match this list's order, the reason is because I seeded based on how well I thought each person could adapt their style to the demands of the short-verse format. Let's get started: 40. Innovator One thing you'll see a lot of on this list is people who could be many spots higher if they asserted themselves. That applies to @Innovator, who frustratingly no-shows a lot and doesn't put consistent effort into his writing. Sometimes his supposed poetics can be opaque and confusing, but other times, he offers glimmering images with a soft touch. Quote:
39. timeless These sites are littered with people who have been around for a decade and are not really challenging themselves anymore. That makes the presence of someone like @timeless so refreshing. He's still feeling out what he's doing, but he's improved at an incredibly rapid rate. He tries a lot of different things and has a good knack for rhyming. Quote:
38. Rawn MD The butt of so many jokes, it's easy to forget that @Rawn MD is one of the most experienced still around (if he's still around) on these sites. Rawn MD has all the fundamentals down pat, but he rarely shows much because he's usually writing from a phone while on the lam. His small hands make this particularly difficult, as he has a hard time reaching some keys on his slide phone. Quote:
37. patrown Perhaps @patrown is pretty well defined by his raccoon avatar. He's the type who can dig up victories without being noticed, in the middle of the night (when he does almost all of his posting and boarding). He used to write mostly short verses, but he fleshed out more this past season of the Art of Writing League. He's not very polished but always has a lot to say, and he uses rhymes well. Quote:
36. The Mind Assassin Almost impossible to rank because of how agonizingly philosophical he attempts to be, @The Mind Assassin (also know as VERITAS) probably is on interchanging days the most overrated or underrated writer on this site. He struggles to balance rhyming and content, and I strongly prfer when he puts the emphasis on the latter. That's the thing about The Mind Assassin: He usually has something to say, when he wants to say it. And the result is some really engrossing work, even if it's sporatic. Quote:
35. Objective The big surprise is that his verses don't tend to be as long as his Discussion posts. English is, I believe, @Objective's second language, but he represents himself well in the topical arena. He plays around with styles a lot and actively tries to improve, and it's worked. He's at his best when telling straight-forward stories, though, particularly when he can show some creativity. Quote:
34. Zen Here's a theme to look for throughout this list, similar to guys who don't try very often: @Zen would be much higher if this list were about Open Mic submissions. He's taken to writing very evocative verses in that forum. Unfortunately, he has struggled to apply that writing to the topical side of things. He's skilled enough, particularly at rhyming but also at unique phrasing, to be a very good topical writer. But focus has never been his strength. Quote:
33. Ink Currently working on a book or something, @Ink is a consumate storyteller with a solid grip on the fundamentals. I wasn't around when he was putting more into this, but he impressed me in Season 3 of the Art of Writing League and did well in Season 1 as well. Quote:
32. Mr. J Six months ago, @Mr. J was the most active writer on this site. He's been around less and less, which is a shame because I really liked being blessed with those short drops of lyrical fury. He doesn't always worry about clarity or the reader, but his verses are always interesting to read, and you can always find at least one line you want to quote. Quote:
31. trap This site's ultimate veteran, @trap may be the longest-active textcee anywhere, having started back in (I think) 1996. He used to be one of the best in this discipline, but his effort and rust levels have taken off in opposing directions. Still, when he's focused, he has a very natural but emotional style that I enjoy a lot. Quote:
30. Bladed Thesis Brought here by dead man or Aero, I think, @Bladed Thesis apparently was a topical star at their old long-bar site. That fits with his style, which is based heavily on dark imagery and great rhymes. He did very well in Season 3 of the Art of Writing League after joining here, though. His versatility is up for debate, and his content sometimes seemed thin. But with writing and rhyming as polished as his, he could be higher on this list if he asserts himself fully here in the future. Quote:
29. King Ra. If this list were based entirely on writing ability, @King Ra. would be about 10 spots higher. But where the soon-to-be returning Art of Writing League moderator falters is his overzealous attacks on topics. He's constantly trying to write the verse to end all verses, like if Bruce Springsteen attempted to make every song into "Jungleland." (No one here will get that reference. Listen to the song.) Every once in a while, he delivers. But more often he's throwing out unpalatable multipart stories or half-baked end-of-the-world scenarios. Quote:
28. Atheist In his prime, @Atheist was perhaps the most natural storyteller in this genre's history. He wasn't wildly lyrical or creative or emotional or funny or gruesome, though he had all those elements in his bag of tricks. He simply told stories, usually from beginning to end, without letting them get buried in all the distractions that lesser writers consider so important. He's about 15 spots higher on my all-time list than he is here because he so rarely drops full verses on this site and seems to have lost his 2004 through 2006 fire. But that doesn't mean he doesn't bring it from time to time. Quote:
27. Vividlyvague A mystery man not too long ago, @Vividlyvague has become a mainstay on the Netcees topical scene over the past 10 months. In addition to diving for loose balls, Vividlyvague writes some of the strangest stuff around. He doesn't have a single defining style, switching from mimicking zygote to Frank to oats to whomever else without mastering any of those styles. But he often writes very interesting verses, usually with unique perspective. Quote:
26. Nigma Few people put together a rhyme scheme like @Amgin Shaheen (I'm willing to use that fucking horrible name only for the purpose of tagging), for better or worse. His stead and unceasing string of rhymes often has been his undoing, when he lets it get in the way of content. He's really tough to rank for that reason. But there's that top gear, that gear he hits when he puts in enough time to really show how good he can be. His run to the semifinals of The Winter Topical was neither fluke (OK, second- and third-round no-shows make it a little bit of a fluke) nor representative of where he belongs on this list. He has the talent but too often fails to show it. Quote:
25. Adonis Having probably been in more topical battles on this version of Netcees than anyone else, @Adonis is interesting because he still is evolving so obviously after more than a decade of doing this. He's constantly, for better or worse, trying new things. The result is one of the most eerily up-and-down showings on this site, as Adonis is capable of getting shut out by writers not even good enough to make this list but also beating top-10 foes. He could be 10 spots higher if he had a better grasp of what makes himself good. Quote:
24. YDK Ignore his unfortunate Discussion posting for a second. @YDK came to this version of Netcees not long after I did, and his first verses were really rough. But he smoothed things out throughout the Art of Writing League's second season and came back refreshed for the third, reaching the tournament final and proving he can hang with very good writers. His approaches to topics tend to hold him back as much as anything, but he has a polished writing style that's very based in hip hop. Quote:
23. IamBenT I wasn't around for @IamBenT's very impressive run in Season 1 of the Art of Writing League, but I went back and read his verses. But upon investigation, he clearly has a lot of talent. My research suggests IamBenT was part of the final era of the RSTL, but his stylings remind me a little of Dahlohner and a few others from that league's glory days. He doesn't wow me (and to be honest shouldn't have been 8-1 in matches he showed for in Season 1, when voting was rather unnuanced), but he puts a lot in. I'd like to see him come back. Quote:
22. Mike Wrecka One of the few people with a legitimate topical championship on this version of Netcees, @Mike Wrecka is easy to underrate because he has such a straight-forward, traditional style. He relies heavily on concepts and topical approaches; rather than being a traditional storyteller or topicalist, he prefers character sketches. That does give him a bit of a disadvantage against the best of the best. But what you find with Mike Wrecka is that he knows how to step his game up when he needs to, and he rarely writes something not worth reading. Quote:
21. Cereal_Killa Somewhere between the font switches, centered type and purple, @Cereal_Killa is one of the most interesting writers on these sites and has been for about a decade. He's ridiculously weird and grandiose, but his penchant for graceful diction and metaphoric storytelling is a special trait when he's on point. His key is keeping his content somewhat linear and decipherable. When he does, he's tough to beat. Quote:
20. Genocide Rhymes and anger. @Genocide is a battler who happens to do it on the topical scene. He disappointingly hasn't fully applied himself in this realm on Netcees for any more than a week or two consecutively, but when he comes with the heat, it burns. Mostly, Genocide puts his bursts of energy into typing really long Discussion stories, making videos with Seadad and writing to record. That makes sense, and he's a pretty strong rapper as a whole. But I'd love to see him really apply himself fully for one run on the topical side. Quote:
19. Diode Something about a fiscal quarter meant @Diode didn't participate in Season 3 of the Art of Writing League after taking his first loss by votes in the league. (He had gone 8-0 beforehand.) Here's the thing about Diode: He uses single-syllable rhymes pretty much every time. I can't say that about anyone else on this list. Yet here he is, in the top 20, because he knows how to approach topics and tell stories and write clearly and cleanly with the reader in mind. His assonance, consonance and simple internal rhyming keep his cadence flowing, which also is helped with meticulous meter. But still, he uses single-syllable rhymes almost always. Quote:
18. Witty When he's not no-showing, @Witty is a pretty damn good writer. These days that mostly means freewriting, usually in Open Mic. He simply doesn't seem motivated to participate in topical battling. Rhyming is where he specializes, and at times he can ride those a little more than he perhaps should. But when he hones in on a topic and finds his more eloquent side, he writes very intellectually. I'd say he can be a little wordy. Quote:
17. Just Write I have no idea where @Just Write went and disappeared to, but he was really starting to come into his own right before his latest disappearance. Just Write is a marine or something, and his writing style kind of fits that background. He's very forward in his storytelling and rhyming and everything else. He puts it all out there, writing with emotion but also clarity. There's not enough of that around here. What brings him up to this elite level, though, is his simple ability to spin a tale. He's a storyteller, the old-school type who captures readers while making sure his mechanics stay in place throughout. Quote:
16. Eŋg The Brit also known as oXus (along with a grip of aliases) has one of the most unassailable writing styles on this site. @Eŋg likes to think of himself as a thinker because he thinks a lot, so I guess he is a thinker. It shows in his deliberate diction, which never once lets rhyme mechanics slip. Reading one of his verses requires a quiet room and a bit of thought. Everything has its purpose, and the verse won't reveal itself to you without contemplating that. That can be a limiting factor in topical battles, but he's one of my favorites. Quote:
15. ZeeDee I knew him way back when he was just a young dicnyaeye, but @ZeeDee now is one of the most established and greatest ever to do it in this genre. He apparently still has his hyper-emotional tendencies, and he also still has his knack for some of the weirdest, crispest storytelling around. Early in his career, those stories were hard to follow, particularly as he started making his rhyme schemes more complex. But as he developed, he learned to balance things and became one of the toughest to beat because of his high effort level. Unfortunately, he hasn't been around much since Season 1 of the Art of Writing League. Quote:
14. Soulstice "I can hardly keep myself from using 10 lines to describe a ***tus or something," @Soulstice said in signing up for the short-verse tournament. And maybe that's true. He's one of the most eloquent and deft topical writers ever, to the point that it becomes a double-edged sword sometimes. Soulstice loves to tell stories, but he doesn't often tell them directly. He tells them in clouds of imagery, woven together with very precise wording and strong fundamental mechanics. That means he loses lazy readers. And most readers are lazy. But he still has been very successful, including reaching the Art of Writing League's Season 1 championship. Quote:
13. NYCSPITZ One of this site's greatest enigmas in every sense, @NYCSPITZ wants to write all the time but rarely shows for battles. He can beat anyone at his best, when he feels like staying on topic. He's got the right mix of Vulgar, dead man and Frank to be the very best on this site, but he puts all those elements together only maybe 10% of the time. So NYCSPITZ instead gets the reputation of an underachiever. He's creative, crisp and intellectual. But he's kind of an unstable person sometimes, or at least he portrays himself as such on this board. At least he's back to the name we recognize (though I liked Totoro). Quote:
12. Split If it seems weird to think of @Split (Eight no longer) as a relative newcomer to this scene, that's a testament to how much he's improved in the past year or so. When I first came, he still was sorting through his blurry, muddled word choice to find the cohesive writer's voice that he now operates with. He's probably the most truly poetic around these parts, influenced by a handful of other writers here but also very much his own. He was a big part of the inspiration for this very tournament, and I hope he continues to push things in new directions. Quote:
11. Johnathan Mercy I don't know if he's still trying to keep his former identity a secret, but I won't spill the beats on @Johnathan Mercy just in case. Regardless, it suffices to say that he is one of the most established and talented writers ever in this realm. But those past accolades aren't what put him here. Instead, I'm basing this off his dense, refined and highly technical, bracing writing style shown in the Art of Writing League's third season, when he made a run that far exceeded in quality his 4-3 record. I hope he comes back soon. Quote:
10. Pent uP Netcees' lone Hall of Famer who identifies himself primarily as a topical battler, @Pent uP and his fans might be surprised to find him so low on this list. And that's understandable, but it's worth noting that this list was compiled based on this version of Netcees. While Pent uP had some great battles in Season 1 of the Art of Writing League, he also has been a bit up-and-down since. His style is remarkably technical, and when he wants to push the gas down on that end, he can blow away opponents. But his old-school approach doesn't always work, and sometimes his writing can be stiff. He's still a tough out against anyone, particularly when he pulls out his considerable storytelling skills. Quote:
9. Pinot Grij Like Johnathan Mercy, @Pinot Grij is a well-established topical legend who hasn't come right out with his former identity. And like Johnathan Mercy, he's proven more than worthy of respect in his own right. Pinot Grij is the best straight-forward storyteller on this site, with a fluidity to his writer's voice and rhyme mechanics that consistently impresses. He regularly shows off his tremendous sense of humor, too. If we're talking about writers at their very, very best, he may top the list. Unfortunately, he seems to disdain a lot of topics and doesn't show the same flair when writing more serious stories and topicals. Quote:
8. Vulgar One of our great scholars in that he goes to community college, @Vulgar's Open Mic verses often require PhD's or weird reading habits to discern. But he knows his audience for topical battling and has shown a great propensity for stripping things back a little when it's required. The thing Vulgar never seems to get credit for is how ridiculously difficult some of his rhymes are. He's often working with four-syllable words that make for very little flexibility, but he comes through with tremendously tight mechanics. He's also a very good storyteller, though his full-force ability shows best in denser, social-commentary laden verses. But as good as his top gear is, a big part of this ranking comes from the fact that he still is experimenting and discovering new ways to stay at the elite level. Quote:
7. Frank @Frank looms over all proceedings in the Netcees topical scene like a spector. When he got knocked out of The Winter Topical in a first-round upset, he wrote to all eight topics used in the second round. Then there's the Art of Writing League history, what with Red glare and disqualifications and a shutout loss that he's still in denial about. For now, Frank seems to have disappeared. Or perhaps he's taken cover under a new alias. Either way, I hope he pops up soon and brings us more antics. But along the way, I really hope he brings us more verses. That's what makes Frank worth talking about, after all. He has this unique and fluid style, often using a single rhyme for an entire verse while digging out all sorts of storytelling styles. He can play it straight, go for comedy or dig deep into the emotional side. His non-storytelling verses aren't quite on the elite tier, but he usually can turn anything into a story, and he grounds those stories in hip hop more than just about anyone. Quote:
6. big baby (and friends) Though no one can touch him in an AIM cypher, @big baby sometimes gets overlooked on the topical battling circuit because he doesn't stick with it for very long. The thing is, he almost never loses. Zombie, one of his friends who he ghostwrites for, went 5-0 before quitting the Art of Writing League's third season. big baby himself had probably the best verses of the first two rounds of The Winter Topical before half-assing his way through the third round against dead man and losing. In the rare instances where he really puts his mind into the topic at hand, he can beat anyone. But he often seems distracted, perhaps with his own enormous ego. He's going to get really mad that he's fifth on this list. Quote:
5. Lars His troll persona in the Discussion forum has led to numerous bannings (explaining his current use of @sraL and @Camarac names), but Lars also was the victor of the best tournament on this version of Netcees, The Winter Topical. That's no surprise to anyone who is even somewhat paying attention to this scene: Baron Mynd (his most prominent user name for most of his text career) has been one of the best for years in topical writing. His style is what really makes him stand out. Lars has sort of hybridized RIKOSHAY's rhyme-heavy styles with a stripped-back diction. He operates with very complex rhyme schemes but keeps very polished clarity, making his verses very reader-friendly. They flow and make sense perfectly on the first read, and that helps him make up for not having as many layers to peal back as some others. Quote:
4. dead man No one has an Open Mic résumé to match dead man's. He has three Hall of Fame pieces, and seemingly every other piece he writes at least gets nominated. That freewriting suits his graceful diction and self-assured writing style. He has thoughts and wordplays and observations that need to be released. But dead man is more than a great freewriter. He's one of the most accomplished topical writers ever because he can apply that deft rhyming and voice to more focused work. He'll be the first to tell you he was more invested in focusing on specific subjects a few years ago, and his versatility (particularly storytelling) is a step behind most of the others at this level these days. But he also knows how to make a topic work for his advantage, and no one has a more reader-friendly style. Quote:
3. El Pancake It's easy enough to assume that @El Pancake only writes about pretty white girls. I think he even likes the characterization that he only writes about pretty white girls. But he almost never writes about pretty white girls, at least not in topical battles. He knows he could write about pretty white girls in every verse and probably win almost every time. But he doesn't drink as much, which probably means that his personal interactions with pretty white girls have normalized a bit. And when he does write about pretty white girls, he specializes in making the takes fresh and original. So yes, El Pancake writes very, very well about pretty white girls. No one could beat him in a battle about pretty white girls. But he also writes about dystopic futures and office job malaise and grief and social media and all sorts of other fun stories, along with the pretty white girls. The pretty white girls might be characters in those stories, but that's hardly relevant. This is: With or without pretty white girls involved, El Pancake is the best storyteller on this site. Quote:
2. oats Versatility may be the most overlooked aspect of topical writing. Why? Well, it doesn't show in any one verse. It's not very obvious unless you read someone's work week in and week out. That's when it starts to become apparent that a writer can tackle all sorts of styles and approaches and tones. @oats is one of the three most versatile topical writers on this site, and he shows it over the long haul. He can be funny or downcast or wildly optimistic. I tend to think the latter is his preferred form, the hippy Hawaiian blogger dreaming about days on the beach and the first time he heard Illmatic or saw B.J. Penn's bulging groin in spandex. I'd go so far as to say that no one on this board could even stand a chance at beating oats in a battle of upbeat, positive verses. Most of us are fucking downers, even when we do show comedic efforts. oats' 8-0 start to the third season of the Art of Writing League showcased that versatility in full force. Quote:
1. zygote Let's start with this: @zygote can write like you better than you write like you. His impression verses are legendary. He's so good at them because he processes nuance at a very high level and is deeply commited to every verse he writes. That translates perfectly to topical writing. Reading a zygote verse is like becoming one with the topic and his approach. No one that I've ever seen in my 13 years doing this is as creative and encompassing about how they approach topics. Sure, I don't like every verse he writes. You won't, either. He sometimes retells fables, which I've never been a fan of. He doesn't always give a fuck about rhyme mechanics. But it's all for the purpose of the verse. And this ranking even ignores the fact that he usually has that verse written and posted within two hours of seeing the topic. He's the best. You probably don't even realize it. Quote:
Back to the Tournament BRACKETOLOGY by Adonis, El Pancake, oats and Certain Four top-caliber topicalists offered their predictions for how this entire tournament would play out, a la NCAA Tournament pools. We'll keep track of how they do throughout the tournament. Adonis "I will say that I expect about ten no shows and I know some talent off that alternate list which would drastically change this." El Pancake "Caveat: Predictions assume 100% show rate." oats "OATS CHAMPION OF THE WORLD" Certain "I made the bracket, so I could have went chalk. But I forced myself to consider upsets to make this interesting." ROUND 1 PICKS/ LISTEN UP by big baby and Certain Yes, he's back. Yes, you'll want to read these. But first, you can listen to me make some predictions in the audio recording below! 1. dead man vs. 16. MKG | Don't Look Down Not a bad topic. On account adonis is a fucking moron and actually would chose to write a topical about an entire topical that was already written. "Yeh I want to challenge you guys, and ive been in 49902 topical battles so thats about 83 battles a day for 10 years straight, yeah" stfu idiyote. Deadman still number 1 even after jerking off constantly doing nothing, cool. This should be easy, hey, let me go against this no name. Funny thing is MKG posted a verse of his so that certain could seed him and he's actually last. Lol you fucking suck if certain ranks you last, like you should kill yourself once you hit the 13 range, seriously. Especially you, just kill yourself. Now. Do it. MKG kill yourself. lmao fucking backwards fucking INITIAL CAPITALIZED YDK fucking gay ass clone. You're useless. Hope you both don't look down on the way down from the golden gate you fucking losers. Lol jk. lol jki wasnt jk. totally serious. But yeah, this 10 line stuff is cool, cause then you can't misinterpret whatever psycho babble deadman usually spews about camels and marlboro blues suck a dick. But this should have a reference about despair, coffee, cigs or describing an obscure crayola color in depth. 8. trap vs. 9. Adonis | Drop Dead Gorgeous lol. Nice 'drop dead gorgeous' can you say verse about girls that dumped them cause they're anti social fucking WEIRDO FAGGOTS. These guys combined half the ability of about a 21 year old pancake when he first realized he was into men sexually. They're actually seeded pretty well for people that arent going to win anything. If adonis writes like he writes magazines then 12. Badi Alii vs. 5. kannon | Touch the Sky Fell asleep writing my last prediction. Something about adonis being gay and trap writing about cinderella dildos with a gram of ritalin in his baby bottle. "Touch the sky" Pretty dope. I can see badi alii writing some decent schemes and then completely bombing it writing about vulgars dick. Why would you let him bang you whenever you want? Have you seen me? I'm bb da bb. sexy as FUCKING SHIT. But you won't ever find out cause you're a whore. Kannon possesses some ok mic ability though his beats are louder than he is and hesounds like a fucking ant. I don't know how mediocre mic writing translates into two inch dick topical blitz writing but whatever. 13. jilti vs. 4. NYCSPITZ | Last Call I would actually choose nycspitz to win this whole thing if he had a better name. lmfao NEW YORK CITY ZPITZ GUYS FUCKING NYC SPITZ I SPITZ NAH MEAN IM A G SPITZ NYC. Get real. You hockey playing fuck. The topic is last call, and it'll probably be the last call both these effeminiate losers got from their masculine dad who forgot to show them any masculinity in their lives so they're writing 10 line poems on a site with a bunch of dudes who smoke marijuana have 25k a year paying jobs and eat cup a noodles raw. Let's be serious, both of these losers are going to no show and nobody will even know they did because they're lame. Predictions: NO SHOW. 3. Split vs. 14. MMLP | Drive Slow I like the chances split has of winning this. Lord know MMLP is a fucking professional at writing. Lol. Nah, tbh split is going to fucking annihilate this guy. It'll be merciless. The amount of blood spewing from MMLP'S lifeless initialed body will be a spectacle. Perhaps certain can muster up some creative topic ideas after the bloodbath to pick better topics instead of sticking to headlines he read at his mid to low tier journalist web job that gets 28 hits a day. Split 100/0 6. Atheist vs. 11. timeless | Blame Game You know. I dont really care about this match at all. Like I just yawned reading the entire line. Legit yawned. Yawning right now. Still yawning, typing this. Still yawning. I type pretty fast (140 wpm) holy shit still yawninig. It's like a elongated one (still yawning.) ok stopped. Eyes watery. Oh shit, coming on again, opening my mouth, ok im yawning now, again, this whole post is me yawning, ok wow eyes just watered up, tearing now. Sniffled a bit, wiped my eyes. Fixed my tear ducts. Pushed them in so they made that squishey vagina noise. Checked my phone. Yawned again. wow yawning again as i type this again. Yawning. Ok Who cares. 10. Zen vs. 7. Genocide | Paranoid This is actually a decent match up. The two OM mods going against each other in a battle of "i mod the lamest section ever" just kidding. The OM is the best section ever. Do we really need 5940353 mods in one section, jesus christ. Everybody knows I'm the real boss in that forum. I own it. I own the chambers, like in 300 where that traitor guy owns the chambers. And he wont let leonidas wife speak only if she fucks him and even then he doesnt. Basically what I'm trying to say is that I fucked them both. These guys are ok, and this is probably the most entertaining battle, of the round. zen 85- geno - whatever. 15. Blanco Bishop vs. 2. Darth Yoda | See You in My Nightmares This could be ugly. Actually it's pretty certain that Darth Yoda is going to win. He's well liked has a big dick I fucked him and I love him. And blanco is a fucking loser that should no show if he knows whats good for him. Darth is a fucking god, and revered as a legend. I'm revered as a legend because people think thats me, thats how good he is. He makes me a legend by proxy. Who you know is that good? Nobody. He's like me, and doesn't look for accolades, and usually likes playing the field, moreso testing his opponent if anything. A beast at ruzzle, along with bwa, (who pancakes thinks he beat, but it was actually me, but he didnt really beat me, in one round I think my screen froze for about 95% of the round, and in the second round it froze for 1 minute, and he won by about less than 100 points, anyway, pan sucks. idk, I'm not that funny today. Tired. had work. hate working. chair squeaks now, like wtf you squeaking for bitch. Stop squeaking. 1. El Pancake vs. 16. Drunken Master | Lost in the World idk i like drunken master. He wants to adopt me so i hope he does so i can fuck his wife and steal his money and blame it on my sister if i have one. Which I will. cause i'll make him adopt one if he doesnt have one. so itll be fun and i can fuck my sister too cause shes not even related to me but if she was who cares its not like im 18 and consent im a bb i can do whatever and not get in trouble hey guys i have a gun BANG killed you. Pancake will no show and lose. He's really trash and hasnt gotten better ever sicne HEY IM PANCAKE IM WORKING OUT RIGHT NOW BUT NOT REALLY I REMEMBE RTHE FIRST TIME I BENCHED 275 IWAS LIKE WOW I FEEL STRONG AND THEN HE WA SLIKE HEY IM PANCAKE AND PAN SUP TOP TIER LEL SRS IM BLACKS RS sRS Drunken Master wins by no show 8. YDK vs. 9. Mike Wrecka | Everything I Am Lol the 8 seed vs 9 seed battles are SO FUCKING BORING JESUS. These guys are a snorefest. Literally nothing these guys do have any like impact, ever. Like, if you read ydk's verse in the aowl for the finals you'd be like y did ydk leak my kindergarten writing on nc's? how did this get on here? Like this is so boring that im not even going to f- 12. UnbornBuddha vs. 5. Eŋg | Dark Fantasy ? Dark fantasy, real fucking COOL PHRASES FAGGOT IS THIS ONE OF YOUR STUPID ASS ALBUM COVER LISTS 1-10 FAVORITES THAT TOPLOOKER.COM POSTED IN EVENT OF THE FERGUSON RIOTS NIGGA STFU, I hope none of you show and this tourney can move faster. And cooler less corny/lame battles take place. 13. pharoahsarmy52 vs. 4. Pinot Grij | Welcome to the Jungle No. Yawning again. 3. Camarac vs. 14. Greed | We Don't Care LOL. Fucking lars. Let me tell you what lars is going to write, word for word, this is what he's going to write, no joke - I already know. I know how he writes. Formulaic and haphazard as fuck. HOMIE IM KNOWN ON THE NET MAN, SAY MY NAME ON THE NET IM MAD KNOWN, MAN. I'm a legend, people that know people that know me, know me. Shit, nigga you heard of Keyzer Soze? He's in the FUCKING ROOM, when people are talking about how deadly he is and he don't even flinch. That's a real g. You win a winter topical by a fucking hair and you like I WON WINTER TOPICAL I WON WINTER TOPICAL. No disrespect to dead man, but if I didn't fault to an opponent who I think deserves it (granted, I faced zygote, but me and him have a vendetta, so I couldnt let him win) I wouldve taken that road to victory and abolished you. Everybody knows this. I'm just the best, ever. By far. Anyway This is what this nigga going to write. Let's see the topic, ask certain how fast I wrote this, granted I saw his PM about a minute ago, aiight look .LARS VERSE EXTRAORDINAIRE. whether its anxiety, burden, or something to bother the fire that burns unnerves the assumption to fodder nervous. his posture controlled by the incubus phoenix where ink becomes blood for his pens stimulus, needed licking the thesis, the final chapter's conundrum emancipated jesus, and the raptures above us i'm lar's i write in short, and rhythm abrupt then my next forced line is in sync with it bruh i don't really say much, my lines have to have adequate sounds transition nicely, look for whatever word - wait i gotta aggregate nouns LARS But in short, camarac loses. 6. Soulstice vs. 11. Objective | My Way Home Soulstice loses. 10. King Ra. vs. 7. Diode | All Falls Down Diode is going to write about himself weighlifting and how his weights all fall down but his knee hurts omg my knee i cant lift bros squat do 39034 lbs naked in my tightsuit pretending to be batman eating a waffle, organic cause watching weight hey guys heres PICTURE OF ME IM DIODE I LIFT WEIGHT OH UPOSTED THAT? THATS SO 2002 I SAW THAT WHEN THE FIRST PERSON EVER POSTED IT IM O THE ITNERNET ALOT HEY GUYS IM DIDOE LOOK AT MY STEAK I EAT STEAK ALL DAY AND LIFT AND LAMB NOT STEAK HEY WITTY Y U CALL PEOPLE A FAGGOT THATS MEAN IM AFAGGOT. WANNA LIFT BROS LMAO REPPED REPPED WHO PUT THAT TAG REPPED. King Ra makes a joke about his 8-0 streak and buttfucks diode. king ra 100-0 15. Defiant vs. 2. oats | New Day Defiant annihilates oats. 5-0 The first closed battle of the round. Oats can't find his ncihe and starts writing like nik-a and his topicals. Defiant gains critical acclaim. Becomes #1 topicalist. Gets laid for the first time. Has a kid name gestapo. I fuck his kid when it turns 1. Don't No-Show CONCLUSION by Certain You're asked to write 10 lines in a week. Don't fucking no-show. Also, don't expect a magazine this long again from me for a while.
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I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws. |
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08-24-2014, 01:10 AM | #2 |
Razor-thin derision
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Very motivational, and also epic. Thanks for the mention and strong effort.
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08-24-2014, 01:34 AM | #3 |
SOBER
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This was super dope.
bb starting to rustle my jimjams. Not really lol. Just a bb. Very thorough.
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If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me? |
08-24-2014, 01:34 AM | #4 |
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Posts: 8,904
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Excited bros
I don't have a 21st to get obliterated on & miss a crucial deadline this time (shouts to Alias tourney)
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http://split8.yolasite.com |
08-24-2014, 01:34 AM | #5 |
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 8,904
Battle Record: 27-22
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Dope mag
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http://split8.yolasite.com |
08-24-2014, 01:34 AM | #6 |
ghost in the matrix
Join Date: Apr 2013
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Read half lot a cig an enjoying the last half lol thanks for all the effort guys
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08-24-2014, 01:40 AM | #7 |
Steel Cut
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still listening to the audio mag lol, korean food is quite delicious btw, but excellent mag, appreciate the effort. I feel like an asshole being the only one picking myself in the brackets. THANKS ALL YOU SELF-EFFACING FUCKS
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You should be water |
08-24-2014, 01:47 AM | #8 | |
Arm the Homeless
Join Date: Jan 2013
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Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 35079719 |
Quote:
Good mag, Certain. Name change to Zen.Land.x25@gmail.gov |
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08-24-2014, 02:01 AM | #9 |
obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,716
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599679 |
Great mag. I love certains so cute sexy sexy voice so hot cool twist easier magazines wanna put peen in mouth and make him say my name in butter voice
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08-24-2014, 08:23 AM | #10 |
- Hiccup -
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 77
Rep Power: 1947040 |
Very well done. I appreciate you taking the time and putting so much effort forth. Respect.
I appreciate the position I'm in, it's literally win win for me haha. |
08-24-2014, 08:57 AM | #11 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: KCMO.
Posts: 377
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This was REALLY well done. Good job everyone. I'll have to listen to that audio later, don't want my gf thinking I'm nerdier than she already thinks I am.
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triplet syllables for minimal criminals.
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08-24-2014, 09:01 AM | #12 |
Ad mini tator
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This was well done and entertaining to say the least.
I hope some one no shows lol. |
08-24-2014, 09:19 AM | #13 |
Leave you flatlined.
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 5,110
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This is an excellent mag. Repped for the thought and effort put into this. Bravo
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[B][CENTER][SIZE="5"] It's Aero join me at RAPBATTLES[/SIZE][/CENTER][/B] |
08-24-2014, 12:33 PM | #14 |
Lime Life
Join Date: Jan 2013
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Awesome mag, I worry for this site if Certain is not around to run the topical side of things, tho I'm sure those stepping up know what they are doing.
Thank you for the kind words, apologies for my inactivity....lack of motivation is a bitch. This was a great read. Also, repped.
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He listens to voices inside of his mind
Explicit and poisonous violent crime. |
08-24-2014, 02:11 PM | #15 |
WOW
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,525
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Champed - Writing Challenge League I
Rep Power: 82779335 |
ya super dope mag certain
I agree with zyg at number one
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A.bove T.he R.est
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08-24-2014, 02:13 PM | #16 |
living
Join Date: Jan 2013
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brilliant
predictions are right. i will not win this tournament. unless i am matched up against oats every round. which is unlikely
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Zack Wicks for president |
08-24-2014, 03:11 PM | #17 |
SOBER
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Listened to the audio portion. Gone @ acorn Anika and Split.
Good stuff.
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If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me? |
08-24-2014, 03:16 PM | #18 |
Arm the Homeless
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The audio section was the best part. I literally lol'd at pharoahsarmy52 part.
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08-24-2014, 03:23 PM | #19 |
living
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,468
Battle Record: 33-18
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Champed - AOWL Season 1
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Rep Power: 77606676 |
obscure crayola color
lol fuck.
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Zack Wicks for president |
08-24-2014, 03:38 PM | #20 |
SOBER
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 13,052
Battle Record: 2-5
Champed - AOWL Season 2
Rep Power: 85899406 |
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If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me? |
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