dead souls

[YDK]

Demonic urges storm the skies with a heavenly essence
Death is a sentence to those without a destiny present.
Put yourself first but never put your enemy second,
because every second beckons when an entity threatens.
Lesson learned; now let the pressing questions adjourn,
a confession of depression isn't easily earned.
Frequently turned against you in the form of a heart,
It's torn apart and restored; now that's sort of an art.
More importantly it brings you back to the start,
Where life and death burn using hope as a spark.
Like a scope predisposed to puncture the occipital lobe,
The soul grows weaker with every drink and every sip of the soave.
Expecting to implode when you think you're alone,
Leaving a chink in the armor that you can never atone for.
Unforgiving hopelessness, nobody can cope with this sober,
So a crushed up pill and a dollar bill helps to handle the closure.
Acceptance; tolerance mean little when your asking repentance
and every breath is evidence that you cant finish the sentence.
Lives full of lies without the need for disguise,
because everybody's eyes deny their demise.
Soulless body's wander growing fonder of death,
Refusing their fate, until they're somber; bereft.
Hell seems to have an odd calming effect,
Destroying our souls while embalming the rest
Yet we believe we'll never die..
but we're just stalling at best.

[UnbornBuddha]

This was enjoyable. The first two lines were a nice introduction. It did start to get a bit of cyclical without proceeding to any dissertation/ theorem shortly after that. But as it further progressed it unraveled, and the thesis unfolded. Also at point the rhyme scheme slowed down in terms of complexity, which was surprising to say the least. But not to digress from the topic at hand, this was nice brief read.
Thank you.

[JESODIST]

Deep metaphorical Concepts You have a nice rhyme scheme, Your bars flow smoothly throughout the entire piece. Nice read man.

[gitto138]

[QUOTE=YDK;374731]Death is a sentence to those without a destiny present.
Put yourself first but never put your enemy second,
because every second beckons when an entity threatens.

^^^-dope,
Wats up ydk, nice piece here, stuck to the topic, the whole structure you adhered made and enjoyable read, flowed well, the opening lines where sweet and rolled of the tongue, keep it up

[Vulgar]

Like a scope predisposed to puncture the occipital lobe,
The soul grows weaker with every drink and every sip of the soave.
Expecting to implode when you think you're alone,
^Very solid.

I think you're the most improved topical writer of the last year. Minor wording issues but who doesn't have those? It'll come with time. Keep up the good work.

[YDK]

Originally Posted by Vulgar

Like a scope predisposed to puncture the occipital lobe,
The soul grows weaker with every drink and every sip of the soave.
Expecting to implode when you think you're alone,
^Very solid.

I think you're the most improved topical writer of the last year. Minor wording issues but who doesn't have those? It'll come with time. Keep up the good work.

Thanks man that's more appreciated than you prolly think lol