I called Veritas.

[Joe Metts]

This is mindless bickering its just being done by two people smarter then yall.

[Witty]

Originally Posted by J. Metts

This is mindless bickering its just being done by two people smarter then yall.

I know I'm one of them, who's the other guy?

[~RustyGunZ~]

Originally Posted by J. Metts

This is mindless bickering its just being done by two people smarter then yall.

bro cut that shit

the intelligent conversation was between namix and veritas

[Boredom]

<3

lol'd at do you even lift tho

and @J. Metts

word at what your saying, it's just dope to see people engaging in intelligent conversation and interaction that is somewhat beneficial to others as apposed to what normally goes on

[veritas]

So joe metts called me while the wife and I were in bed. I told joe metts that I was fixing to poot and then "play turtle".

I then asked joe metts if he wanted to listen to us have sex....

He said he didn't want to waste three minutes...lol

[Joe Metts]

Lol good lil convo filled with picard and veritas impressions.

[Dope girl]

guys friends like that. awesome!

[veritas]

Originally Posted by Objective

I thought you believed in confidentiality. But allright. Not giving a fuck or any motivation at all to do the necessary deeds to deal with dysthemia. Drained for energy most of the time. Own problems delve into my dreams, having 2-3 dreams a night is a normal thing. So on top of low fatigue (wich is normal for people with dysthemia) I wake up just as tired as I was when I fell asleep. Since I have learned to look upon night terrors as a great experience like watching horror movies in order to deal with it, my brain no longer shield me from the extremely brutal dreams. (We're talking family members getting chopped up and/or raped while I'm forced to watch kinda dreams). Lucid dreams is also an occurring thing of my already fucked up sleeping pattern (wich basicly is non-existent as well). As many don't know, or maybe not experience during a lucid dream, is that they drain you for energy more than a regular dream does.

I got a negative outlook on existence as there's no real meaning in life beside of whatever you fool yourself to believe. I constantly feel that anything I, or anyone do, doesn't really matter. So what's the point, right? Basicly what I'm saying is; Emotions is a product of evolution for our species to survive, whatever I choose to believe in isn't really ''me'' anyways. It's a product that just happens to be. Life itself is nothing but a huge trick. Because of this I also believe that therapy is simply manipulating ourselves to reach a fake paradise. If I manage to get there I visualize my life to be kinda like Pyro in this video;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUhOnX8qt3I

Being in that state is better than nothing, so I guess I'm not a lost case yet.. How can I learn to ''live'' again and actually care about what happens to me, the chicks I fuck and the people I talk with on a daily basis?

assuming you are telling the truth, three questions:

1. Have you any medical condition/head injury
2. Describe your illicit drug habits
3. Describe your psych med regiment

[Joe Metts]

I know who he meant. It wasn't that intelligent lol

[super pimp trillionaire]

Refrigerator lights astound dumb people. They were prolly just minding their business and y'all got confused.

[veritas]

naq mad right now
relevence jonesing real bad right now......

[super pimp trillionaire]

When y'all think I'm mad I'm prolly just bored. If that helps...
Btw, fridge lights are dope.

[Objective]

Originally Posted by c.d.m.

assuming you are telling the truth, three questions:

1. Have you any medical condition/head injury
2. Describe your illicit drug habits
3. Describe your psych med regiment

Hahaha, love your questions man. Don't assume that everyone listening to hiphop and posting on these boards do drugs. Sorry to dissapoint you, but here we go:

1. Haha, nah man. I'm perfectly fine. No head injuries of any sort alltho' it may seem like it.

2. No real drug habits. Weed once in a blue moon, the only thing it does is making me sleep better (White Rhino ftw). The problem is that it's expensive as fuck around here. Never done any hard drugs. Just weed on rare occasions with friends. In seventh grade my godmothers ex died by OD'ing. Aint fucking with that shit.

3. I've been prescribed Circadin wich is a weak as fuck sleep medication (melatonin) and doesn't help me at all. Was given anti-depressive pills a few years ago, don't remember the brand but it scared me. When I was on it a good friend of mines mom offed herself and I couldn't care less. That made me more sad than anything else. The therapist quit working while I was on them. I decided to quit the meds without weekly consultations, wich is not only dangerous, but also illegal in Norway. When I was quitting them the moodswings was crazy, I could be suicidal as fuck for an hour and be in euphoria the next. 3 weeks of that and it was out of my system. You'd have to force me to try meds like that again.

What sucks is being awake at 02:58am (like now) without being tired enough to sleep, but tired enough to not do anything worthwhile. I consider myself a basement dweller because of this. I go out with friends 2-3 times a week at most, mostly to get drunk or skate with a bunch of people. The rest of the week I'm seriously too tired to do anything at all. I guess I'm lucky to have a huge group of friends I can chill with even with the issues I'm having. Without them I'm certain I'd feel lonely and worthless as well (I do feel that nothing really matters, but I look upon myself as equal among my peers, there's a difference).

@Split: Word @ regular excercise. I'd do that shit if I wasn't too tired to even go outside 80% of the time. I have tried to be active during daytime as it's supposed to make you tired at night, in my case it doesn't. I'm speculating that I might have a higher brain activity than most. At one point I woke up at 08:00 AM, went out to skate for 8 hours, got home, couldn't sleep, went out to skate for 5 hours the next day and couldn't sleep until 3AM. And at times I can be exhausted by just taking out the trash cuz I had a bad night of sleep after being awake for 48 hours prior to sleeping. My energy for each day depends solely on when I fall asleep and how I'm sleeping. Sometimes I have to cancel appointments because I'm too tired to do anything, often because I haven't slept the night before. Also one of the reasons to why I'm not going to a therapist atm. to sort things out with a professional. It's crazy to live like this.

[~RustyGunZ~]

What u need is cocaine

[Objective]

Nah, I'd probably love it so much so I'd have to fight addiction and be in debt to drug kinpins as well. I'd like to stay away from that shit tbh, haha.

[Strikta]

Dude that sounds fucked.
@Objective

I read it, yes.

It intrigued me.

Best thread this site's ever had.

[veritas]

Originally Posted by Objective

Hahaha, love your questions man. Don't assume that everyone listening to hiphop and posting on these boards do drugs. Sorry to dissapoint you, but here we go:

1. Haha, nah man. I'm perfectly fine. No head injuries of any sort alltho' it may seem like it.

2. No real drug habits. Weed once in a blue moon, the only thing it does is making me sleep better (White Rhino ftw). The problem is that it's expensive as fuck around here. Never done any hard drugs. Just weed on rare occasions with friends. In seventh grade my godmothers ex died by OD'ing. Aint fucking with that shit.

3. I've been prescribed Circadin wich is a weak as fuck sleep medication (melatonin) and doesn't help me at all. Was given anti-depressive pills a few years ago, don't remember the brand but it scared me. When I was on it a good friend of mines mom offed herself and I couldn't care less. That made me more sad than anything else. The therapist quit working while I was on them. I decided to quit the meds without weekly consultations, wich is not only dangerous, but also illegal in Norway. When I was quitting them the moodswings was crazy, I could be suicidal as fuck for an hour and be in euphoria the next. 3 weeks of that and it was out of my system. You'd have to force me to try meds like that again.

What sucks is being awake at 02:58am (like now) without being tired enough to sleep, but tired enough to not do anything worthwhile. I consider myself a basement dweller because of this. I go out with friends 2-3 times a week at most, mostly to get drunk or skate with a bunch of people. The rest of the week I'm seriously too tired to do anything at all. I guess I'm lucky to have a huge group of friends I can chill with even with the issues I'm having. Without them I'm certain I'd feel lonely and worthless as well (I do feel that nothing really matters, but I look upon myself as equal among my peers, there's a difference).

@Split: Word @ regular excercise. I'd do that shit if I wasn't too tired to even go outside 80% of the time. I have tried to be active during daytime as it's supposed to make you tired at night, in my case it doesn't. I'm speculating that I might have a higher brain activity than most. At one point I woke up at 08:00 AM, went out to skate for 8 hours, got home, couldn't sleep, went out to skate for 5 hours the next day and couldn't sleep until 3AM. And at times I can be exhausted by just taking out the trash cuz I had a bad night of sleep after being awake for 48 hours prior to sleeping. My energy for each day depends solely on when I fall asleep and how I'm sleeping. Sometimes I have to cancel appointments because I'm too tired to do anything, often because I haven't slept the night before. Also one of the reasons to why I'm not going to a therapist atm. to sort things out with a professional. It's crazy to live like this.

Yes quitting anti depressants is very dangerous.

Now be completely honest: describe your average thought process as you lay in the bed awake while you know you should be sleeping

[Objective]

Originally Posted by c.d.m.

Now be completely honest: describe your average thought process as you lay in the bed awake while you know you should be sleeping

The thought process? Wow, it might start out as; ''Going to be chill af right now and not think about anything weird that starts my thought process''. Rivers, landscapes etc.. You get the deal. Then I might think about something intriguing with my friends or something morbid on the internet. Often start discussing social norms with myself, theories, physics and laws of the universe to the point where you'd think I was high if I told them to you. Sometimes things I've read in books. This might be about 3-5 minutes in trying to sleep. Cutting down and coming to terms with questions and ''philosophies'' was a thing I did with my prior therapist in order to stop the thought process and be able to sleep. I often kept asking questions; But what if, circling around the same topic until I found an answer and questioned that again etc. Trying to stop that shit now.
But when that happens I get extremely uneasy, I get the cravings to do something. I roll from one side to the other even tho' I should be tired enough to sleep. But it never happens and it ends up having the opposite effect. I get energetic. Sometimes reading a book does the same thing, so calm activities such as reading a book or doing the dishes or whatever makes me somewhat ''hyper active'' instead. As both of us know, laptops and TV's etc. got a certain light that triggers the brain to think it's daytime, but it is the only thing that keeps me active enough to keep me in a calm state. The best way for me to sleep is to put on Netflix; Spongebob or some TV drama I don't really care that much for or have already seen such as Californication. Ducktales is also an extremely nice way to go to sleep if I'm tired enough to not do anything. Basicly what I'm saying is; My body got to be 100% drained for energy before I can fall asleep and not get energetic again. Doing nothing makes it worse.

If it counts for anything I had some concentration issues in school unless the subject interested me. Far from ADD or anything like that, but still enough to label it as concentration issues. I was great in english history, history itself, society, philosophy, practical work, norwegian and spanish, but on the paper I was around B to C-. It furiated my english teacher because I couldn't concentrate on homework. I got a C in english and she said I was at an A if I had just done my shit.

Edit: @c.d.m.: I'm diagnosed with dysthymia.

Edit 2: @c.d.m.: I have considered the graveyard shift but I have NO sleeping pattern at all. Wich means that I have no idea when I'll get to sleep and when I'll wake up. Just a few days ago I had been awake for 30 hours and only got to sleep for 5. Last week I was awake for almost two days and slept for 18 hours. It's fucked up. I can fall asleep 3PM one day and 3AM the next.

[namix]

oooh damn @veritas' thought process before sleep and your response objective.

spiritual awakening yo.

i couldnt stop asking questions until i found that the answers don't come until you stop asking questions.

quiet your mind hommie. mortality, time, - many savvy human beings try to conceptualize infinity by counting toward it when it is more likely they'd get to infinity by counting backwards from it. accept the polarity of life - the infinity with the finite - and let yourself be free.

clearly feel free to ignore everything i just said if it doesnt resonate at all - but I had very similar symptoms during my initial clicks... everything from not sleeping, to lucid dreaming, etc. -- and if other therapists havent been able to help you, it probably means the solution is deeper too.

alas - i know i'm crazy, and that is the beacon i use to ensure I am on the right track as crazy is a relative term used to describe my deviation from the pack ;)