cloak the pain

Just Write · 10-23-2013, 05:11 AM

Ill rtf, ya'll know I'm good for it

Cloak the pain. This weed & coke got me open today,
I Prayed to the opium gods till my emotions decayed.
Is it that I fell into hopelessness or am I over my faith?
depression takes a toll on a man til his soul starts to break...
Feels like my hearts been placed in a case on this open display,
And Tbh, i don't know if im strong enough to shoulder this weight
All the hope I contained seems to have vanished in minutes...
And i know catastrophe's imminent before this man receive's penance.
Man I can't handle this sentence, a life time I've vied for forgiveness
Tried to make sense of my crimes. Man I've Cried fighting convictions
In my eyes I see redemption, but am I capable of grasping it?
Its not my question that's my biggest fear... it's what the answer is

e11even · 10-23-2013, 06:46 AM

deep as fuck. i'm sure this will resonate with a lot of folks on a morals verses redemption and forgiveness type of level. this felt very sincere and candid, without being too specific, leaving this very relatable. I'm not gonna say good job cuz this feels real. I'll just say I get this. I really do. Keep diggin deep JW.

new material coming soon btw.

Dove Dozer · 10-23-2013, 03:52 PM

Check your inbox jw

Vulgar · 10-29-2013, 07:42 PM

Tight work. I liked how you opened up. Theme-wise, it's like a lot of drops I read, but the quality is there.

CopyPat · 10-30-2013, 11:58 AM

aw man!! ur last one was a gem.. this one im not sure about... whenever everyone writes about crying i can just never tell if its genuine or not.. is ur life THAT bad??? can't be..ur sitting on the internet text rapping for fun?!?! thats my problem with all these sad "deep" my life sucks shit.. it just seems fake to me... so i dont give a fuck..

ignoring the previous i did like the last line for what its worth, the wording etc on this wasn't overly impressive, the scheming was a tad bland.. just wasn't feeling it my dude..like i say especially compared to that other one u just dropped which i loved, this felt like a step down. hopefully u can "rebound" from this... lol in more ways than one?

Geno · 10-30-2013, 11:01 PM

This shit was really deep/dope

Pissed its getting slept on
Was pretty much fire from start to finish, short and sweet. Flowed nice, and dug the content.

Upping. Quit sleeping

Concrete · 11-01-2013, 08:03 AM

Keystyle poetry for the win. As others have stated, you kept it short and sweet, packet with fresh and imaginative tidbits from start to finish. It flowed well also, I don't have much more to say here besides - may the opium gods be with you.

Scripter · 11-04-2013, 12:55 PM

I agree this was very fluent because it did seem very real and from the heart.
It had great structure flow, and you did do a good job of connecting with readers.

Mr. J · 11-07-2013, 07:54 PM

This piece was smooth, I was feeling the emotion you put out there
made me realize how...deep....some, if not most people can be
it's a different perspective when you look at it from your POV
but it did have it's shining moments, the beginning was very smooth
I felt like if you put more thought into what you wrote, or edited it more
you would have a perfect piece, especially for as short as it would be...
nice work, keep it up

10-23-2013, 05:11 AM	#1
Just Write Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 1,709 Battle Record: 9-12 Rep Power: 4997617	cloak the pain Ill rtf, ya'll know I'm good for it Cloak the pain. This weed & coke got me open today, I Prayed to the opium gods till my emotions decayed. Is it that I fell into hopelessness or am I over my faith? depression takes a toll on a man til his soul starts to break... Feels like my hearts been placed in a case on this open display, And Tbh, i don't know if im strong enough to shoulder this weight All the hope I contained seems to have vanished in minutes... And i know catastrophe's imminent before this man receive's penance. Man I can't handle this sentence, a life time I've vied for forgiveness Tried to make sense of my crimes. Man I've Cried fighting convictions In my eyes I see redemption, but am I capable of grasping it? Its not my question that's my biggest fear... it's what the answer is __________________

10-23-2013, 06:46 AM	#2
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247259	deep as fuck. i'm sure this will resonate with a lot of folks on a morals verses redemption and forgiveness type of level. this felt very sincere and candid, without being too specific, leaving this very relatable. I'm not gonna say good job cuz this feels real. I'll just say I get this. I really do. Keep diggin deep JW. new material coming soon btw. __________________ Ahem.

10-23-2013, 03:52 PM	#3
Dove Dozer loose leaf bruce lee Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 1,077 Battle Record: 7-6 Rep Power: 1853216	Check your inbox jw __________________

10-30-2013, 11:58 AM	#5
CopyPat Mic Check Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Calgary Alberta Canada Posts: 708 Battle Record: 13-10 Rep Power: 3742225	aw man!! ur last one was a gem.. this one im not sure about... whenever everyone writes about crying i can just never tell if its genuine or not.. is ur life THAT bad??? can't be..ur sitting on the internet text rapping for fun?!?! thats my problem with all these sad "deep" my life sucks shit.. it just seems fake to me... so i dont give a fuck.. ignoring the previous i did like the last line for what its worth, the wording etc on this wasn't overly impressive, the scheming was a tad bland.. just wasn't feeling it my dude..like i say especially compared to that other one u just dropped which i loved, this felt like a step down. hopefully u can "rebound" from this... lol in more ways than one? __________________ My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete.

10-30-2013, 11:01 PM	#6
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,354 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036761	This shit was really deep/dope Pissed its getting slept on Was pretty much fire from start to finish, short and sweet. Flowed nice, and dug the content. Upping. Quit sleeping __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

10-29-2013, 07:42 PM	#4
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	Tight work. I liked how you opened up. Theme-wise, it's like a lot of drops I read, but the quality is there.

11-01-2013, 08:03 AM	#7
Concrete Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2013 Location: Oslo Posts: 179 Battle Record: 5-0 Rep Power: 2158978	Keystyle poetry for the win. As others have stated, you kept it short and sweet, packet with fresh and imaginative tidbits from start to finish. It flowed well also, I don't have much more to say here besides - may the opium gods be with you.

11-04-2013, 12:55 PM	#8
Scripter _Al_GO_RYTHMIC Join Date: May 2013 Posts: 644 Battle Record: 1-3 Rep Power: 0	I agree this was very fluent because it did seem very real and from the heart. It had great structure flow, and you did do a good job of connecting with readers. __________________ http://www.youtube.com/user/toadill Ⓖⓔⓣ ⓘⓝ ⓣⓗⓔ ⓑⓞⓦⓛ I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT ╔══════╦═╗╔═╦═══╦═╦═══╗ ║░╔╗╔╗░║░║║░║╚══╣░║░╔═╝ ║░║╚╝║░║░╚╝░╠══╗║░║░╚═╗ ╚═╝░░╚═╩════╩═══╩═╩═══╝ ¸.•¨•♫♪¸.•¨•♫♪¸.•¨•♫♪¸.•¨•♫♪ ◕MUSIC◕LOVE◕LIVE◕LAUGH◕ ☯█▄█ █ █▀█ █▄█ █▀█ █▀█ ♬ ♬█▀█ █ █▀▀ █▀█ █▄█ █▀▀ ☯ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤♡

11-07-2013, 07:54 PM	#9
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	This piece was smooth, I was feeling the emotion you put out there made me realize how...deep....some, if not most people can be it's a different perspective when you look at it from your POV but it did have it's shining moments, the beginning was very smooth I felt like if you put more thought into what you wrote, or edited it more you would have a perfect piece, especially for as short as it would be... nice work, keep it up __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you