Week 5 chat and predictions

[e11even]

Originally Posted by Certain

@Vividlyvague, you are two votes (as in, cast by you) away from making the championship match, though.

Cool. @semetrik, feed for feed?

[symetrik]

Originally Posted by Vividlyvague

Cool. @semetrik, feed for feed?

Yeah, sure.

needs more spoiler tags.

Finally, that gradient visible, light fades into this abandoned tone,
the quiet darkness long awakened in my rapidly slowing heart... together we're headed home. Goodniii....

good flow and opening, opens at the conclusion which always peaks my interest... "I know where's it going, now where has it been?"

The approach of friendlies... it's so welcomed, yet too late.
But as lovers are meant, we seemingly merge in spirit, cresting this wave
of regret. We sway, grasping ever so gently, but in a desperate way...
Tears flowing freely from me as she lay, Why'd she have to go?!
Eyes locked with eyelids... expecting a perk up... with an, "I really can't stay"....

could have flown better but I still dug it, especially the last line and

eyes locked with eyelids

.
such a good image.

Her last breaths betray her as I remove the jagged blade,
Minoo her name, I screamed it as she painfully wept out the pain...
Staring into the soul of her eyes as blood crept out that mangled gape,
I felt her thoughts... her insides draping the dirt, it was me she blamed...

I liked that you named her Minoo (both for future references in regards to the war zone, making her a paradise), and before that, it invokes a good sense of him losing out on his chance at heaven because of his sins.
also,

her insides draping the dirt

is awesome imagery.

Confused anger... an oxidized but flickering flame, Why did this have to happen?! Lord, why me this day?!?!
"Only I had your best interest at heart!" She managed to say..."It seems to be only these childish games we play!!"
Tears forcing my look away...

it connected the stanzas but I wasn't into this part as much. rhymes seemed forced, etc.

Vases expelling water as they toppled, I collected her dropping body...
Gasping as she fell into my arms, while they fled out of the lobby.
Anger rising as the sparking embers in a furnace, I promptly
Radioed the Quick Reaction to catch these targets, and their ambush posse.

seemed a bit simplified in regards to previous imagery you've used.

Ka-Bar at the ready... tactical approach in motion...
Wrapping around each wall, I crept closer... the notion: be like cloaked men.
Door breached, I slither into the garden square... they're posted. Minoo!! Fucking Bitch!!!
The betrayal in full swing. And by the sound of it there, she's devoted.
Marksmen here. Beyond aware, I boasted, These pawns look bloated...
Out of the shadows I leapt!!! A full lunge into her gut as rifles ripped,
penetrated organs ignored... eye to eye with her, I hold it, focused.

this is where I started being like "wait, what?". still lacking some of the interesting imagery you used previously, though I really like the last lines

A full lunge into her gut as rifles ripped,
penetrated organs ignored... eye to eye with her, I hold it, focused

Radio static, jumbled traffic...I can't hear shit under all these Afghan powerlines!
One radio down, we were travelling back to the FOB to dine... then...
"Vic one- this is Cobra Proper!! Come in!!" we're excited. Fuck! Its about time!!!
"Send your traffic, over?" Maddox on the handset mashing dials...
"Its that bitch PFC James was with!!! She's giving us up to those CIA guys!!!"
The entire humvee staring at me... I defend my position in kind,
"Get the grid so we can smoke that raghead bitch... and those CI's!!
Why'd she have to go?!
How did we know she was gonna turn after seeing us wipe out that Farsi tribe?!"
"True. But they are kinda tight. You gonna risk dying tonight?" Said Sykes.
"Ya'll got my back, right??? We fight or fall TOGETHER... Recon Blackhawks... "FOR LIFE!!!!!"

did you mean CIA? Because I always infer it to mean the Central Intelligence Agency of America. if so, I was a bit confused at that.
however, really good use of martial phrasings and slang, as well as

Radio static, jumbled traffic...I can't hear shit under all these Afghan powerlines!

which immediately put the reader into the realization that they were in a war zone.

..................We will never tell. Even if threatened that we'd die.................

"Darnell James, do you love me?" Minoo said, gently brushing my face.
"More than life itself, I swear..." Eye to eye...
her fingers painting a heart on my naked chest as we lay...
"Would you run away with me? The tribe members won't approve a union of this kind...."
"I would go to hell and back if it meant for us to be together one day..."

thought maybe a flashback at first.
lots of use of eyes, which I liked in regards to the topic (being blackness).

Suited; full battle rattle... she's awaiting the chase,
But even though I'm as excited as a heart's first love,
Something tells me this is gonna be one ass backwards day... Good morning.

dick. now I have to read it all again, backwards.
such a good closer, especially since it requires the reader to re-read.
which I did, and appreciated it a bit more.

[Certain]

@Split Eight, you better actually vote in those spots instead of forgetting like you do half the time.

[Split]

:( im making bacon then i have to drive 3 hours to and 3 hours back to pick up my retainer from Vermont, because my friend is literally too much of a povertyfaggot to afford $5.12 flat rate shipping, and when i tried to PayPal him $10 he said it wouldnt work (read: hes too lazy to go to the post office so i have to spend $30 on gas)

[Certain]

Originally Posted by Split Eight

:( im making bacon then i have to drive 3 hours to and 3 hours back to pick up my retainer from Vermont, because my friend is literally too much of a povertyfaggot to afford $5.12 flat rate shipping, and when i tried to PayPal him $10 he said it wouldnt work (read: hes too lazy to go to the post office so i have to spend $30 on gas)

Stop having a retainer like a fucking 15-year-old drooling dork motherfucker. You're not Fig.

[Mike Wrecka]

Originally Posted by Certain

Stop having a retainer like a fucking 15-year-old drooling dork motherfucker. You're not Fig.

I literally lold

[Split]

i still have wisdom teeth

my teeth shifted like a motherfucker in the week ive been without

[Certain]

Ouch. Get them removed, then sell the vicodin.

[e11even]

He's gonna need that vicodin. Well, I got pulls and a fuckin root canal. So nvm.

[King Ra.]

My apologies for the no show @symetrik @Certain but I honestly chose to do so purposely. I actually wrote a story but I felt I should use it down the road instead since symetrik only wrote 16 lines and I have 48. I debated on whether to drop something simplistic to at least have something but decided to say fuck it. Weird I know, but I'll take the L and move on to the next match up.

If I vote this week am I still in next week?

[Mike Wrecka]

Originally Posted by King Ra.

If I vote this week am I still in next week?

yea if you vote you are in for Week 6

[symetrik]

Originally Posted by King Ra.

My apologies for the no show @symetrik @Certain but I honestly chose to do so purposely. I actually wrote a story but I felt I should use it down the road instead since symetrik only wrote 16 lines and I have 48. I debated on whether to drop something simplistic to at least have something but decided to say fuck it. Weird I know, but I'll take the L and move on to the next match up.

If I vote this week am I still in next week?

My plan bears fruit mwahahaha.
No big deal.

[Geno]

good w @Split Eight
Underestimated you this go around
Proppers.

Going in next week

[Split]

Originally Posted by Genocide

Lol@zenland
It was a publicity stunt. Although, I do favor the role

Anyhow, a loss to split was a long time coming. No prisoners here on out.

Originally Posted by Genocide

good w @Split Eight
Underestimated you this go around
Proppers.

Going in next week

it's not over yet! but good verse mayne... It'd been a mad long time since the last time we faced off

[symetrik]

Originally Posted by Split Eight

It'd been a mad long time since the last time we faced off

Your signature makes me want to go buy a guitar again, that's one of my favourite songs to perform.

[Split]

Originally Posted by symetrik

Your signature makes me want to go buy a guitar again, that's one of my favourite songs to perform.

dont care for the outro too much unless i got whiskey/ scotch on deck


but word Bright Eyes is MAD underrated as a musical act because of his appeal to semi-emo teenager tumblr addicts... their song structure/ instrument work and lyrics are on POINT.

actually just bought a $110 Epiphone acoustic, because I dont wanna risk having my nice guitars in the drunktank that is my suite. guitar is relaxing.

[Zen]

Genocide is back and I'm glad. Lucifer scared me :(

[Geno]

Lol@zenland
It was a publicity stunt. Although, I do favor the role

Anyhow, a loss to split was a long time coming. No prisoners here on out.

[Mike Wrecka]

just when I got used to Lucifer

@Genocide. crank out that collab verse homie.

[Adonis]

Gonna vote at some point today. Apologies in advance for not having proper time to drop long votes. Have previous football related engagements that I can't miss

Playoffs babyy!!

Its only flag but ima G. Player coach and do them both swimmingly