Brutal Warning To Anyone tryna Mess with Jessica

Jessica · 06-02-2013, 06:20 AM

Random flows switching drainage basins just to switch your intellect like hydro-chanells, I am brutally squeezing these kids to my system like predators smashing their preys{praise} for a religious ceremony that corode faces of Gods in plexus panels. these netcees are weak like the layer that bide the uterus wall. You are distinguished to face severe hallucinations, I'll bury you in your expecting chick's Cervix just to maintain a deadly deliverance, I'm initiating these tenses inbetween your cerebral cortex and shiver your intelligence, I'll smash rare-bells{Rebels}just to measure the sound of a wizard,now yall don't have a chance to dance with your whack pretenses, Kids yall are not yet incredible ,You are disable{diss-Abel} watch me belt ya since yall portraid a wrong set in Genesis, I've been brain storming more thunders than the cumulus, yall brag about being dope, that's just plain dumb, so if yall mess with me ya better prepare for a battle, tear ya ass apart and shake it like a rattle.

Dope girl · 06-02-2013, 12:58 PM

This isn't bad at all.. you had sickness Multies, next time add more bars...

~RustyGunZ~ · 06-02-2013, 01:00 PM

CALL ME A RARE BELL ALL U WANT BUT THIS SHIT SUCKED

IamBenT · 06-03-2013, 10:35 AM

Not as strong as your first piece. Like the attempt at wordplay, next time work on making the distinction more explicit in the line and the use of the metaphor/simile rather than spelling it out for us, interrupts any sense of flow, this didn't rhyme very well either.

Geno · 06-03-2013, 08:02 PM

I'm ggonna need to start seeing responses from you on other peoples posts. You have a great enthusiams for posting your own -it should go both ways.

This post was cool. Had some crazy vocab in it. I would say to work on flow and format for now
By format I mean.. get rid of the paragraph style and use bars. A bar is two lines which feed off each other. I.e...

Example of a bar.
I'm the most rugged and sickest rhyme nut
To ever grab a bitch and shove my dick inside of

Also.. your flow could use some work, you have a lot of great vocab and ideas to go along with it. You need to work on more internal rhymes, multi syllable usage and even your ending rhyme schemes don't fit really well at times. There are some rhymes scattered throughout your pieces that definitely work.. just feel like you need to add a lot more of them. Work on those things and I think you'll be doing just fine.

Holla

06-02-2013, 06:20 AM	#1
Jessica indisputable girl Join Date: May 2013 Location: South Africa, Pretoria, Menlyn Park Posts: 49 Battle Record: 0-2 Champed - Twig & Berries Invitational - Shark Week 2013 - (Place other humorous "champeds" here) Rep Power: 0	Brutal Warning To Anyone tryna Mess with Jessica Random flows switching drainage basins just to switch your intellect like hydro-chanells, I am brutally squeezing these kids to my system like predators smashing their preys{praise} for a religious ceremony that corode faces of Gods in plexus panels. these netcees are weak like the layer that bide the uterus wall. You are distinguished to face severe hallucinations, I'll bury you in your expecting chick's Cervix just to maintain a deadly deliverance, I'm initiating these tenses inbetween your cerebral cortex and shiver your intelligence, I'll smash rare-bells{Rebels}just to measure the sound of a wizard,now yall don't have a chance to dance with your whack pretenses, Kids yall are not yet incredible ,You are disable{diss-Abel} watch me belt ya since yall portraid a wrong set in Genesis, I've been brain storming more thunders than the cumulus, yall brag about being dope, that's just plain dumb, so if yall mess with me ya better prepare for a battle, tear ya ass apart and shake it like a rattle.

06-03-2013, 10:35 AM	#4
IamBenT SuPreaM Lyricyst Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: San Antonio, TX Posts: 704 Battle Record: 9-6 Rep Power: 412358	Not as strong as your first piece. Like the attempt at wordplay, next time work on making the distinction more explicit in the line and the use of the metaphor/simile rather than spelling it out for us, interrupts any sense of flow, this didn't rhyme very well either. __________________ *A.bove T.he R.est* IamBenT\|Genocide\|MikeWrecka\|Objective\|Vulgar\|Witty \|Rawn MacDon

06-03-2013, 08:02 PM	#5
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,354 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036761	I'm ggonna need to start seeing responses from you on other peoples posts. You have a great enthusiams for posting your own -it should go both ways. This post was cool. Had some crazy vocab in it. I would say to work on flow and format for now By format I mean.. get rid of the paragraph style and use bars. A bar is two lines which feed off each other. I.e... Example of a bar. I'm the most rugged and sickest rhyme nut To ever grab a bitch and shove my dick inside of Also.. your flow could use some work, you have a lot of great vocab and ideas to go along with it. You need to work on more internal rhymes, multi syllable usage and even your ending rhyme schemes don't fit really well at times. There are some rhymes scattered throughout your pieces that definitely work.. just feel like you need to add a lot more of them. Work on those things and I think you'll be doing just fine. Holla __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

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06-02-2013, 12:58 PM	#2
Dope girl Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: I live in Florida Posts: 4,789 Battle Record: 3-8 Rep Power: 55521419	This isn't bad at all.. you had sickness Multies, next time add more bars...