Learn to Die ft. Innovator

Zen · 10-15-2013, 07:46 PM

The tears burn my eyes as I learn to die.
I don't know if I'm ready because I've shown I'm petty
And only concerned with pride.
But the next turn is mine unless my terms denied.
I slowly walk through the gate where the serfs reside
And I'm surprised that I'm the first to arrive.
So I sit down on the clouds to let my nerves subside
But I tremble with each little burst of light
That surged through the sky.
I'm not cursed, am I?
Or am I the blessed one who's earned the right
To a peaceful existence after my internal fight?
I sit calm now watching a bird surf the sky
Until it stops in its tracks on a perch up high
On the top of a turbulent tide
That curves as he rides and he looks not nearly as disturbed as I,
"The nerve of this guy."
...But then it happens! I purge my mind
Of the worthless lies that's concerned my life
And like the bird, I fly to my eternal life.
Goodbye. I've learned to die.

the shards of glass cut swiftly as they dance pass
my exposed skin fast, ripping me from my past.
the metal crashed against my knees as I hit the fence
the loud sound convinced me I was in the present
the blood, evidence of the scene; death imminent
the dirt as clouds and the skies an acting pavement

I gave in.
gravity take my place then
lose me... then find me just to misplace me again
so I can roll with my present, future, my past tense
past whens, wheres n hows, my last sin
my fathers will, my mothers gift
my siblings and that brotherly rift, all came quick
that time I smiled at her and she responded with a grin
that same smile my daughter was born with
those scorned lips when you caught me with that one bitch
my self doubt, and the shoulder that holstered that chip
it all came in clips.
and as the chips fell I realized I closed my eyes
one more memory....learning how to die.

Darth Yoda · 10-16-2013, 12:19 AM

I liked the beginning of the first and the last of the last verse.

Zen · 10-17-2013, 01:19 PM

Feed this douchebags. I will return feed although I'm behind on returning feed right now.

Mr. J · 10-17-2013, 07:49 PM

I really can't tell who is who on this one...
but I am familiar with both of you, it's a fun read though
the vibe you deliver is somewhat, bi-polarish
it seems like it's one mind writing ambidextrous
I felt after the first half of the first verse was done
the rest just seemed to flow together...the last verse was cool
I don't know what that middle part was doing there
but it blended it together in some weird, weird way...
dope drop though fellas

Inno · 10-22-2013, 09:10 AM

Up

veritas · 10-23-2013, 09:11 AM

THIS WAS EXCELLENT. I LIKE HOW YOU BOTH WHAT IS USUALLY A GRIM TOPIC SEEM SO ELEGANT (WHICH IT SHOULD BE) I ALSO LIKED THE LIGHT AND BOUNCY TYPE OF CADENCE AND RHYME, WHICH FLOWED EFFORTLESSLY, ALMOST LIKE A CHILDS POEM, ALTHOUGH VERY COMPLEX. WELL DONE, YOU BOTH ALSO WERE ALMOST INDISTINGUISHABLE IN STYLES...WHICH IS THE VIBE ENACTED. PROPERS.

Inno · 10-23-2013, 12:16 PM

Thanks V preciate the feedback

veritas · 10-23-2013, 01:26 PM

fa sho.

Vulgar · 10-29-2013, 07:40 PM

Interesting drop, gentlemen. The cool sequences of emotions came through during the scenes. I got a crow-related anime vibe from Zenland's part, and Inno followed up with something more street and bleak. Disappointment in the narrator was conveyed. So yeah, I thought this was a cool collab. Something different than I've read lately for sure.

Keep it up

10-15-2013, 07:46 PM	#1
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,104 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079719	Learn to Die ft. Innovator The tears burn my eyes as I learn to die. I don't know if I'm ready because I've shown I'm petty And only concerned with pride. But the next turn is mine unless my terms denied. I slowly walk through the gate where the serfs reside And I'm surprised that I'm the first to arrive. So I sit down on the clouds to let my nerves subside But I tremble with each little burst of light That surged through the sky. I'm not cursed, am I? Or am I the blessed one who's earned the right To a peaceful existence after my internal fight? I sit calm now watching a bird surf the sky Until it stops in its tracks on a perch up high On the top of a turbulent tide That curves as he rides and he looks not nearly as disturbed as I, "The nerve of this guy." ...But then it happens! I purge my mind Of the worthless lies that's concerned my life And like the bird, I fly to my eternal life. Goodbye. I've learned to die. the shards of glass cut swiftly as they dance pass my exposed skin fast, ripping me from my past. the metal crashed against my knees as I hit the fence the loud sound convinced me I was in the present the blood, evidence of the scene; death imminent the dirt as clouds and the skies an acting pavement I gave in. gravity take my place then lose me... then find me just to misplace me again so I can roll with my present, future, my past tense past whens, wheres n hows, my last sin my fathers will, my mothers gift my siblings and that brotherly rift, all came quick that time I smiled at her and she responded with a grin that same smile my daughter was born with those scorned lips when you caught me with that one bitch my self doubt, and the shoulder that holstered that chip it all came in clips. and as the chips fell I realized I closed my eyes one more memory....learning how to die.

10-17-2013, 07:49 PM	#4
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,028 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349678	I really can't tell who is who on this one... but I am familiar with both of you, it's a fun read though the vibe you deliver is somewhat, bi-polarish it seems like it's one mind writing ambidextrous I felt after the first half of the first verse was done the rest just seemed to flow together...the last verse was cool I don't know what that middle part was doing there but it blended it together in some weird, weird way... dope drop though fellas __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

10-16-2013, 12:19 AM	#2
Darth Yoda Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 408 Battle Record: 6-2 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF Rep Power: 20182436	I liked the beginning of the first and the last of the last verse.

10-17-2013, 01:19 PM	#3
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,104 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079719	Feed this douchebags. I will return feed although I'm behind on returning feed right now.

10-22-2013, 09:10 AM	#5
Inno Ad mini tator Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 10,005 Battle Record: 26-54 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - Black August - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 85899400	Up

10-23-2013, 12:16 PM	#7
Inno Ad mini tator Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 10,005 Battle Record: 26-54 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - Black August - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 85899400	Thanks V preciate the feedback

10-29-2013, 07:40 PM	#9
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604317	Interesting drop, gentlemen. The cool sequences of emotions came through during the scenes. I got a crow-related anime vibe from Zenland's part, and Inno followed up with something more street and bleak. Disappointment in the narrator was conveyed. So yeah, I thought this was a cool collab. Something different than I've read lately for sure. Keep it up