Muff Diggity v. The People

[Judge Chester Charlesworth]

Hear ye, hear ye

All rise for the Honorable Judge

I'm aware there was been mass confusion and an increased sense of chaos around this trial. I apologize for any inconvenience. This is a very tense situation and my office and the NCPD have been working tirelessly to bring justice to our prideful nation.

The official arrest was on 42 counts of LLB, a misdemeanor offence. It was all we could do with the evidence at the time of arrest. After countless hours of paperwork, our greatest minds in the DA's office have brought new evidence to put this vile beast locked away for good. His rampage of nega-lulz and freeposting must be ended.

The charges are,

- The original 42 counts of LLB; all class B misdemeanors

- 18 counts of withholding evidence of faggotry, for denying the People substantial photographic proof; all class D felonies

- 1 count of Steve Harvey muffstache; a class A felony

- 1 count of poorly impersonating a disabled txtcee, specifically article 7: Chubby Flores-ing; a class B felony

- 1 count of aggravated txtsault while under the influence, on one Murder Show while intoxicated on a deadly cocktail widely referred to in urban areas as "Sleep Walker", a combination of Johnny Walker and Ambien; a class C felony

The People will start bringing witnesses to the stand

- The Honorable Judge