|
07-03-2013, 12:34 PM
|
#1 |
|
ghost in the matrix
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Covington, KY
Posts: 4,563
Battle Record: 14-25
Champed - Art of Writing League (x2)
- Lime Green Poetry Association
Rep Power: 8181113   |
patient patient
Im bout to pause this interview with an interlude,
Baby I'm into you, tell me, are you in the mood? Im intendin to tenderize your lips an your thighs Having you moaning till morning then give you more on the side. I know your bored of the lies here's some "border" advice, Don't let your pussy want something more than your eyes. Im pulling my mask, I'm falling short of disguise, Gotta magnum in my pocket for an important surprise. Hold up, I'm just tryin ta tell you I'm feeling hell proof, The biggest winners are sinners, I'm tryna sell truth. Whether I'm wrong or I'm right you can come along for the ride, If you don't mind my voice cuz this our song for the night. Here it go..... Precious moments we own it, honed to perfection so stop, A picturesque storyline, I picture you at the top. Mental manipulation I wanna melt your mind on the spot, All these subliminal signals, but do you want me or not?! Like the end of a hard race I'm feeling our heart rates, Pulsating between us in tandem but this just the start, pace. I'm up for flying without wings lettin love be the pilot, But it ain't gotta licence so I don't let my eyes shut. Damn, I just want all of you I mean, I know I sound greedy, But I just want you to want me as bad as you need me! I know its alot to ask for but fast forward, We known each other for a minute what you think we gotta past for? Do I really need to speak this shit? You know all my weaknesses! I can't believe I've been decieved into letting go of my demons! Bitch! I thought I was gonna lose it all, feeling delusional, Come to find out its all been illusions!? *gulp* Hypnotized by her eyes, I can't believe I dared ta rest, Like step brothers I step back, cuz I'm in love with my therapist. Fuck
__________________
 |
|
|
|
07-03-2013, 12:44 PM
|
#2 |
|
official hypedaddy.
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 951
Battle Record: 11-12
Champed - Sickeningly White Night VI
- Longbar Heavyweight Belt (0x)
- Shortbar Featherweight Belt (0x)
Rep Power: 0  |
|
|
|
|
|
07-03-2013, 01:23 PM
|
#3 |
|
Mic Check
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Calgary Alberta Canada
Posts: 708
Battle Record: 13-10
Rep Power: 3742225 |
^lol
verse was good man. had a couple funny parts. was good to see something a little different, refreshing. i enjoyed it. wasn't really anything spectacular rhyming wize but the point of this piece was the content. woulda been hella sick if you had this idea PLUS carried it out with crazy scheming or a few more multis. anyways solid drop i liked it, stay around |
|
|
|
|
07-03-2013, 11:43 PM
|
#4 |
|
ghost in the matrix
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Covington, KY
Posts: 4,563
Battle Record: 14-25
Champed - Art of Writing League (x2)
- Lime Green Poetry Association
Rep Power: 8181113 |
Thanks man appreciate the feed.
Uppin
__________________
|
|
|
|
|
07-07-2013, 09:34 PM
|
#5 |
|
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 659
Rep Power: 0   |
Dope.
|
|
|
|
|
07-08-2013, 01:39 PM
|
#6 |
|
...DA GAWD...
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 2,355
Battle Record: 13-34
Rep Power: 5860413 |
This was a nice build but I felt at times the content could have switched for better word effect and tho simplicity is the best form, you still gotta add some flare into it that would make for a nice bounce here and there. Nothing too harsh just straight forward and this did good homie tho nice little touch of meaning. Like the imagery a lot .
Keep scribin
__________________
WP Po'ethics  |
|
|
|
 |
| Thread Tools | |
| Display Modes | |
|
|
Linear Mode
