The Elephant

Geno · 09-21-2023, 06:26 AM

obnoxious, attention deficit, the elephant in the room
holding you hostage, with nonsense, maleficence is in bloom
you've shown him hospice, he profits, his kind never repays
or understands common courtesy, whenever he stays
left to revel and bask, gasp, curious of this menaces past
where he grew, of his senior, of which has rendered him mad
endless, the tracks he's left, where he's grazed and has fed
the stench amazes, questions raised, weather he's bathed or has cleansed
such an offensive mannerism, surely, a matter of jest
one would perceive, as bodily functions put that matter to rest
comments of "my god", faces cringe, "whats wrong with you, man?"
if looks could kill, there'd be a slaughter here, on all of our hands
you know the type, dropped out, without a single degree
asks you to spell the dumbest words, like simple, and tree
derelict, ignorant, free, until he needs a place he can crash
you go to sleep, he raids the fridge, leaves dirty plates and his trash
he's gone before you wake, you still smell the lingering fumes
your burning candles, go to eat, he didn't leave any food
these sort of people are to abundant, poignant, pungent, the scum
theres one in every room, family tree, black sheep, swept under the rug
too many under the sun, probably under the influence of drugs
a nuisance, a bug, the hardest person in the room to shut up
his side of the story isn't that amusing to us, bad luck..
short end of the stick, victim, never passed him the buck
the class act, who's class is absent, who's absence is adored
Hard to ignore, has to have the last laugh, adament to the core
you know the history, statistically, dysfunction comes of divorce
bad parenting, transparency, cumbersome when hes bored
told to play in traffic, go away, theres things more important
Your pissing me off, find your friends, you know where the door is
this dormant exchange of interactions, the typical cause
that drives a kid who craves attention, off to prison, its wrong
he sings a miserable song, out of sync, and out of tune..
but the elephant in the room, has no excuse to be rude

Pretty wordy, i know. Sorry...

Mike Wrecka · 09-28-2023, 12:14 AM

I fuck with this. Alot better than most the OMs being posted these days. Keep writing you still got it

Diablo · 09-30-2023, 10:47 AM

I read it.

Sort of gave me vibes of that one joint bigbaby had up in here on the first page, maybe I read too much into it but other parts felt like you wrote this directed at me too. If you did, I see you, if you didn’t - Guess I better write more.

Keep that pen moving!

Geno · 10-01-2023, 02:36 AM

Wasnt at bro. Thanks guys

dead man · 10-01-2023, 11:47 PM

if looks could kill, there'd be a slaughter here, on all of our hands

Amen

Much love my guy, hope you’re well

Etherwave · 10-16-2023, 06:18 PM

Love the visuals and effective emotion!

Pakistani Hand Cannon · 04-25-2025, 02:49 AM

was this just a concept type piece, or did this relate to you, as in yourself, or personal experiences with other people? or parts of all or none of the above?

anyway, this was peak you tbh. not the wordyness so much (it wasnt too wordy tbh - but i see why you mentioned it. its more a piece you'd read or speak as opposed to rap) - but you rhyme like an animal, & you usually have some shit to say; sometimes ive found the two out of balance reading your shit. either getting too lost of keeping the rhyme going - or "trying' to say some shit; not to say that your not saying some shit in those times, but that its comes off as inorganic. to me. it might not actually be the case.

maybe i be over critical over your shit lol idk

anyway, i found the two in balance like a muhfucka here.

i scrolled up to quote some shit just, but stopped. i think its the cohesion of the piece i fuck w the most.

the looks could murder on all of our hands - i thought was slick...but does it make sense? if the murders on all of their hands - but its his looks that kill...how does that add up? if the murders on someones hands, theyre the one to commit it,no?.....apologies if im being dense & misunderstanding something simple af lol

that & the closer. it wasnt bad by any means, it worked fine. i just think the piece held alot..like alot alot more weight to it than to end on the note of rudeness.

other than that, clean start to finish.

09-21-2023, 06:26 AM	#1
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,354 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036761	The Elephant obnoxious, attention deficit, the elephant in the room holding you hostage, with nonsense, maleficence is in bloom you've shown him hospice, he profits, his kind never repays or understands common courtesy, whenever he stays left to revel and bask, gasp, curious of this menaces past where he grew, of his senior, of which has rendered him mad endless, the tracks he's left, where he's grazed and has fed the stench amazes, questions raised, weather he's bathed or has cleansed such an offensive mannerism, surely, a matter of jest one would perceive, as bodily functions put that matter to rest comments of "my god", faces cringe, "whats wrong with you, man?" if looks could kill, there'd be a slaughter here, on all of our hands you know the type, dropped out, without a single degree asks you to spell the dumbest words, like simple, and tree derelict, ignorant, free, until he needs a place he can crash you go to sleep, he raids the fridge, leaves dirty plates and his trash he's gone before you wake, you still smell the lingering fumes your burning candles, go to eat, he didn't leave any food these sort of people are to abundant, poignant, pungent, the scum theres one in every room, family tree, black sheep, swept under the rug too many under the sun, probably under the influence of drugs a nuisance, a bug, the hardest person in the room to shut up his side of the story isn't that amusing to us, bad luck.. short end of the stick, victim, never passed him the buck the class act, who's class is absent, who's absence is adored Hard to ignore, has to have the last laugh, adament to the core you know the history, statistically, dysfunction comes of divorce bad parenting, transparency, cumbersome when hes bored told to play in traffic, go away, theres things more important Your pissing me off, find your friends, you know where the door is this dormant exchange of interactions, the typical cause that drives a kid who craves attention, off to prison, its wrong he sings a miserable song, out of sync, and out of tune.. but the elephant in the room, has no excuse to be rude Pretty wordy, i know. Sorry... __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est* Last edited by Geno; 09-21-2023 at 06:38 AM.

09-28-2023, 12:14 AM	#2
Mike Wrecka WOW Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,591 Battle Record: 29-25 Champed - Writing Challenge League I Rep Power: 82779338	I fuck with this. Alot better than most the OMs being posted these days. Keep writing you still got it __________________ A.bove T.he R.est

10-01-2023, 02:36 AM	#4
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,354 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036761	Wasnt at bro. Thanks guys __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

10-01-2023, 11:47 PM	#5
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,485 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606679	if looks could kill, there'd be a slaughter here, on all of our hands Amen Much love my guy, hope you’re well __________________ Zack Wicks for president

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09-30-2023, 10:47 AM	#3
Diablo Badgerdick Join Date: Jul 2015 Location: Showdown City Posts: 2,633 Battle Record: 11-2 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 22685552	I read it. Sort of gave me vibes of that one joint bigbaby had up in here on the first page, maybe I read too much into it but other parts felt like you wrote this directed at me too. If you did, I see you, if you didn’t - Guess I better write more. Keep that pen moving!

10-16-2023, 06:18 PM	#6
Etherwave Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2020 Posts: 323 Rep Power: 4218482	Love the visuals and effective emotion!

04-25-2025, 02:49 AM	#7
Pakistani Hand Cannon Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Posts: 1,230 Rep Power: 5303583	was this just a concept type piece, or did this relate to you, as in yourself, or personal experiences with other people? or parts of all or none of the above? anyway, this was peak you tbh. not the wordyness so much (it wasnt too wordy tbh - but i see why you mentioned it. its more a piece you'd read or speak as opposed to rap) - but you rhyme like an animal, & you usually have some shit to say; sometimes ive found the two out of balance reading your shit. either getting too lost of keeping the rhyme going - or "trying' to say some shit; not to say that your not saying some shit in those times, but that its comes off as inorganic. to me. it might not actually be the case. maybe i be over critical over your shit lol idk anyway, i found the two in balance like a muhfucka here. i scrolled up to quote some shit just, but stopped. i think its the cohesion of the piece i fuck w the most. the looks could murder on all of our hands - i thought was slick...but does it make sense? if the murders on all of their hands - but its his looks that kill...how does that add up? if the murders on someones hands, theyre the one to commit it,no?.....apologies if im being dense & misunderstanding something simple af lol that & the closer. it wasnt bad by any means, it worked fine. i just think the piece held alot..like alot alot more weight to it than to end on the note of rudeness. other than that, clean start to finish.