burn in

[Witty]

3rd time commenting on this verse. Don't get used to it.

Since I commented a couple of weeks ago I've been back and read this three more times so I think I owe you some proper detailed feedback.

First off, the brevity of this verse was impressive. It seems simple but it's very difficult to do. Only saying what you need to say and nothing more. I have struggled with that enormously and still do. You had no filler. You didn't keep rhyming for the sake of rhyming, every word was relevant and you didn't say anything other than what you needed to and that is something a lot of people don't even notice but it's what separates good pieces from great pieces. Deadman is a master of brevity and it's a HUGE part of what makes him the best to ever do this.

Good writers need 10 lines to say what great writers can say in 2.

In terms of quoting things I liked in this verse, I'd be quoting 3/4 of the verse if not more but the last line 'Please don't confuse the calmness for an absence of capacity for carnage" is absolutely insane. It's perfect. There aren't many writers here capable of creating that line. It's so so fucking dope.

As I said before it would be nice if you didn't misspell words to emphasise accent or encourage us to read a certain way. We are all well versed and seasoned enough to understand how you intended the words to rhyme even while spelled correctly. It just makes your verse looks less polished and more amateurish imo which it shouldn't because it's top quality and up there with the best verses I've read in all my years doing this. I'll remember this verse for a long time.

Thank you.