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Old 05-21-2022, 08:11 PM   #8
Objective
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Dominate: A bit too much focus on the breast stuff tbh, felt the story lost touch with any deeper meaning and got a bit immature along theway way. Your opening lines highlighted that part enough tbh. Creative with the reviews and thought "reclaim the skin of a child" was a pretty cool concept, next leveling the type of perfection people are going for and perhaps some critique around this would have put your piece to a higher standard as whole I think. As it stands now it's decent for a week 1 or week 2 submission, as a champ match piece it's among the weaker I've read.

Master Rock: Ok piece, as a champ match entry it's not even good enough to beat Dominate's concept this week. You're trying to bring some depth into it but the lack of motivation to truly flesh out a dope story is very apparent. You've written way better stuff than this. What's good is that you got more emotion and interpersonal shit in your story, had it been fleshed out a bit more and put inside a neat package with golden wrapping it could have been good enough to snatch my vote tho. Felt like you lost motivation to write your piece and didn't want to no-show, so you posted this. Sucks, with a bit more work it had potential to become something solid.

Vote: Dominate takes it in what I think is the weakest topical champ match I've read on this site (Dominate had a fleshed out story, some creative ideas and overall better work than Master Rock)
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