Zelph vs Wanderer - WANDERER WINS BY NS

[Wanderer]

Sup lippy.??
Covid restrictions easing has families moved to tears
While a face mask was the best thing to happen to u in years
Won our last 4 or 5 now where’s the trash pile I’m dumpin u in
Failed multiple times with Wand so it’s clear u can’t conjure a win
Recycling, biting, DQ’s?? time to consider retirement
now I’m recycling too.. disposing of u only helps this environment
Requirement is proof bloods been spilled when the blades expel ya
S’why my boys off to hunt a princess with a heart container like they playing Zelda
Zelph bruh ya trolling, facts.. not from my streets or holding gats
If u say ‘there’s only 1 way out the hood’ it’s coz u live in a cul de sac
@Smod of War

[Sharp]

Covid restrictions easing has families moved to tears
While a face mask was the best thing to happen to u in years
the punch is basic, which isn't necessarily bad. but it means you probably could have said all that with fewer words and added in some more harsh language for the sake of sting. Trying to work in words like 'deformed' or whatever would help elevate this from a jab to a solid hit.
Won our last 4 or 5 now where’s the trash pile I’m dumpin u in
Failed multiple times with Wand so it’s clear u can’t conjure a win
ha. I like this. It's light, but perfect for an early verse punch. Funny, short, helps the flow of things from the reader's perspective.
Recycling, biting, DQ’s?? time to consider retirement
now I’m recycling too.. disposing of u only helps this environment
actually cool
Requirement is proof bloods been spilled when the blades expel ya
S’why my boys off to hunt a princess with a heart container like they playing Zelda
this is the kind of thing that would maybe work live, but seeing it written out and thinking about it has me going 'tf is a heart container doing'. I overdo this kind of bar too often so I can't criticize too much (I know the allure) and it's not terrible in a vacuum.

However, I think when you're making these references you kind of have to work the other way around (or at least think about it that way after it's written). Start with the real world thing (gun, knife, etc), then the way to flip it (stick, gat, whatever) then try to work it into a punch. Just my opinion though.
Zelph bruh ya trolling, facts.. not from my streets or holding gats
If u say ‘there’s only 1 way out the hood’ it’s coz u live in a cul de sac
teehee. Light but funny. I fuck with it



You were consistent, I'd say 4 out of 5 concepts worked for me. For the next round, you might want to try rewording some of these bars to be a little meaner - see the feedback on your opener for what I mean - because you have most of it down, could just use a little sting