WEEK 3 MAG

[dull boy]

WEEK 4 MATCH UPS AND PREDICTIONS
(by UserName)

(3-0) Blue V (2-0) Frac

This battle needs a Bruce Buffer intro. Two heavyweights, two legends, two friends. This should be littered with funnies and absolutely go down as one of the highlights of the league. Frac has been on a tear, beating a hearty combo of Seth and Hush back-to-back, in a couple of very closely contested matches. Blue has kind of been on auto-pilot, but he hasn’t really HAD to kick it into high gear, plus he’s had some real life stuff going on, shoutouts to babyBlue. I expect Blue to rise to the occasion, regardless. I don’t really see any way this match will suck, unless the world just all of a sudden universally loses the internet. Best part is, this is happening early, and we can probably expect a rematch of this battle, no matter who wins.
Prediction – I’m the father of Blue’s child… ������

(2-0) User V (2-1) Des

This is a clash of two of my favorite NC people and writers. It's like that scene in that movie where the two people you like have to fight each other so they fight and you're like oh no but then they surprise team up and beat the guys forcing them to fight so I hope I don't end up getting sneak dissed toward the end of the battle. Des signed in week one and LOADED Mac into his place and followed that up by kicking Zuch while he was down. Blue beats everyone, it seems, so no shame for Des there. User didn't come around until week two and has been doing his best to sign out, but imnotfuckingleaving.gif had him sticking around to shut Inf out in their week 3 battle.
User gets hooked on Puerto Rican Spider-Man and Des posts once every 23 hours

(2-1) Dave V (1-1) Adverse

First off: Dave easily had the funniest retort of the week for me last week. The sucking cream line, I swear to god my neighbors heard me laughing. I just had to put that out there, and make sure I delivered those props. Now, Adverse is continuing to show he may have been underestimated all along and seems to have a style built SPECIFICALLY for these kind of rebuttal/flip style matches. It’s a bit of a gimmick, sure, but it’s great to see him shine. This will be a good test to see if he can dig deep enough to beat a fan favorite like Dave. I’m honestly looking for an upset here, this league is DESIGNED to even the playing field as much as possible. If there was ever a week where Adverse could beat Dave, it’s this one.
Prediction – Dave wins, resoundingly, and shit’s all over any hype I just gave Ad

(1-2) Seth V (0-2) Inf

Inf needs to suit up fast and grab the nearest weapon, because Seth is going to be furious after suffering back-to-back losses to the UPN Crew. This league was supposed to eliminate that GOD DAMN IT! No, but seriously, Seth lost a really close match against Dave and he deserves credit for keeping it as close as he did. Inf, I have no idea if you lost to me or if I won, but you were good last week as well. I think this battle was inevitable, and is Seth’s chance to get some revenge for the way the Keystyle Tourney shook out. Both of these guys are good at utilizing the rebuttal angle, so expect to see plenty of comedy. If I had to pick one? I’d probably lean to Seth edging this in the long run. Hungry Seth is dangerous, no pun intended.
Prediction – Seth loses and starts posting in everyone’s battles next week as if he won.

(0-1) Hush V (0-0) Lars

Oh this’ll be fun. Hush is fresh off a fucking close ass battle of the week with Frac, and he showed once again why he deserves some respect put on his name. He has the concepts and the wording to really crush folks here in the rebuttal league, at will. Lars, I know as Baron Mynd, and I’ve known him for longer than I care to admit (especially given his reputation on the site these days). But I’ve never known him as a battler. I’ve always known him as a dominant topical head. It’ll be interesting to see how he utilizes the rules of the league, and flips what Hush brings to his favor. This could easily be battle of the week contender in its own right, just off the possible hilarity of the content that could come from both participants. I’ve personally got Hush destroying this, but I’m open to see what Lars can deliver.
Prediction – Lars jizzes on a picture of something and Hush noshows to avoid seeing it in the thread.

(0-1) Amen V (0-1) Bleak

Amen is shaking off some rust, so bleak you may honestly stand a chance here bud. I liked your back and forth with Dull last week, not enough to really give you the nod at any point, but it was cool. Amen seems to really grasp the rebuttal aspect of the league concept, which is refreshing because not everyone in the league has mastered that yet. I think with a little polish and some time, Amen could easily climb the ranks here in this league, especially with this format. Bleak, you stand a chance in this battle, but it’s about as much as you stood last week, if I’m judging from your material.
Prediction – Amen’s wife wins.

(0-0) Res V (0-0) Swerve

Swerve just can’t get it together lately. I’ve watched him sign in like twice now and written previews for both of those matches and nothing ever fucking happened. Technically, Res is the same way, but I give him more lee-way because he makes fun of me in the discord to make sure I still know our rivalry is ongoing. Swerve, he’s good, when he’s around, Res is the same way – and I think this will be a good, safe way for the league to withstand a double no-show and keep it moving like nothing ever happened.
Prediction – Resin drops once, Swerve drops once, Resin drops again, Swerve disappears into the mist and Resin no shows next week.

(0-0) Fraze V (0-0) Lenox

Fraze has been around for a while, but my first exposure to him was somewhat recently in the NBL. He’s a phenomenal voter and league participant, and also comes up with some pretty solid concepts. For me, it’s always been about wording them. That always separates the wheat from the leaky gay anuses. He’s in luck for this prediction, because I have ZERO clue who Lenox is. This should serve as a good introductory battle for these two into the league, and get them familiar with what works and what doesn’t in a rebuttal/back and forth flipping contest.
Prediction – Fraze votes in the middle of his own battle because he’s just so used to doing that. The twist is, he votes for Lenox. Lenox wins.

(1-2) Mac V (0-0) Defiant

Mac, you did it BRUV. You insanely juicy-thighed nasty boi. You won. I got you some balloons and a bouquet of roses. You’re my favorite. Who’s Defiant? I have no clue. I’m guessing he’s a NC guy from in between my initial time here and my most recent time here. Not taking anything away from him, but Dull gets me these matchups the DAY the mag is due, so I have zero time to do any homework on anyone. So if I don’t know you, shit’s real weird and almost comes off hateful. Don’t take it that way, Defiant. Right now you’re just as qualified as any of these other guys man. Even Resin. Get out there and show me what you got (but go easy on Mac, he’s my current favorite to champ this league).
Prediction – Mac wins because he’s a beautiful sexual redwood

Rules

I'm always open to answering questions, but please refer to this first if you're unsure of something.

Excessive chatter used as a lead in to your bars will not be tolerated and
could result in a DQ at my discretion. Let your bars do the talking.

1. Opener

Each battle will begin with a coin chosen participant to open the battle. I will @ you when threads are posted each week
informing you that you're on the clock. Your post is the only bar(s) of the battle that don't need to directly or indirectly
reference a previous bar. Some may say it's a disadvantage to open, but the counter to that argument is that it's the only
opportunity to use a generic punch during the battle.

Each post has a 1 bar minimum, 2 bar max. You will have 24 hours from the time the thread is posted to submit your bar(s).
Failing to post within that time limit will result in a DQ and a loss on your record.

2. Rebuttal

Once the opener has been posted you will have 24 hours from the time it was posted to submit your bar(s).
If you fail to respond within that 24 hours it will result in a DQ and a loss on your record. Again, it is a 1 bar minimum and a 2 bar max.
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO MATCH THE AMOUNT YOUR OPPONENT POSTED. Any line after the opening bar(s) must reference a previously posted bar(s) from the battle, be that directly or indirectly.

There is no restriction to how long you must wait to reply once your opponent has posted.
There is no limit to how many times you and your opponent can exchange bars. Battles will end every Sunday at midnight EST.

If you opened the battle you may not post after 10:59PM EST.
This is to discourage last second posting without giving your opponent
the opporunity to respond and equal the number of posts in a battle.

3. Judging and voting

Threads will be closed Sunday at midnight EST. A panel of 5 anonymous judges will send their votes directly to me and the winners will be announced Wednesday in the mag.