Rallahiem (Chapter 1)

[Pharaohs Army]

Morgan grimaced in sympathy as he saw a young man with little but the clothes on his boney back approach the hissing iron cart was that Sadin's grill to order something which the owner was undoubtedly swearing to the naive nomad was mutton but was almost certainly wumpi.

This is a little clunky.
Break it into two sentences.
Also change "was that" to "that was"

Like most of the housing in the Rook it was a mishmash of old bricks and new mortar, what gaps in the walls there were and a large section of the original roof had been covered by rusting sheet metal and stones gathered from wherever they could be found.

Same with this. Try a period after the word mortar instead of a comma. Or say
...mortar. A large section of the original roof and also the gaps in the walls had been covered...

Will return later to feed the content. It's interesting. Good world-building so far.

You should sign into the AOWL.

here's my (&Zygote's) rap, drop a comment
http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=143812