Week 1: Universe vs Objective UNIVERSE WINS

Adverse · 11-16-2020, 04:40 PM

This was a long read I actually dreaded it as it’s the first week of this shit and you guys throw up 160 bars for us lol smh, it was worth the read though

Objective - Thought there was some really beautiful imagery here. You used great adjectives and had wonderful descriptions your poetic language was top notch and I enjoyed seeing the scenes you conjured here but my biggest problem with your piece is it got hard to follow, I think because of the extended bar length? You had too much room to work with imo and you had to fill in some gaps and it showed in the end as you kind of veered off track and then at the very end you attempted to tie it back together it was hard to follow and I know you’ve admitted to not getting enough sleep before writing it but there are plenty of positives, I myself just like a pretty linear storyline with all the other stuff as amenities.

Universe - Feel like most of your writing takes place in the same Stephen King-esque universe, if you had a anthology show like Tales of the Crypt or Black Mirror I would most definitely watch it haha. You did your usual thing here rhyming was strong and though starting off I thought the story wasn’t going to be compelling but it really picked up after the pre-op section and etc little by little pieces fell together and the twist was executed well. I just love these tales you tell because they’re so morbid and are great character studies. I honestly think Objective had you beat at some of the finer details but your overall story was the difference maker. So I’m voting for Uni, good battle everyone

V/Universe

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11-16-2020, 04:40 PM	#12
Adverse low tide in serotonin bay Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 2,752 Battle Record: 37-28 Champed - GWL Picture Challenge - Guerrilla Writing League - Black August II Rep Power: 15446146	This was a long read I actually dreaded it as it’s the first week of this shit and you guys throw up 160 bars for us lol smh, it was worth the read though Objective - Thought there was some really beautiful imagery here. You used great adjectives and had wonderful descriptions your poetic language was top notch and I enjoyed seeing the scenes you conjured here but my biggest problem with your piece is it got hard to follow, I think because of the extended bar length? You had too much room to work with imo and you had to fill in some gaps and it showed in the end as you kind of veered off track and then at the very end you attempted to tie it back together it was hard to follow and I know you’ve admitted to not getting enough sleep before writing it but there are plenty of positives, I myself just like a pretty linear storyline with all the other stuff as amenities. Universe - Feel like most of your writing takes place in the same Stephen King-esque universe, if you had a anthology show like Tales of the Crypt or Black Mirror I would most definitely watch it haha. You did your usual thing here rhyming was strong and though starting off I thought the story wasn’t going to be compelling but it really picked up after the pre-op section and etc little by little pieces fell together and the twist was executed well. I just love these tales you tell because they’re so morbid and are great character studies. I honestly think Objective had you beat at some of the finer details but your overall story was the difference maker. So I’m voting for Uni, good battle everyone V/Universe