Week 1: Hush vs Candy HUSH WINS

Concrete · 11-15-2020, 03:00 PM

Candy - Perhaps you was unmotivated or in a hurry or something, it's a shame really cos I see there's potential for something greater here.
The opening bar was decent enough but the overall tone lacked focus from there and out. I dont see where you wanted to go with this intepretaion, if anywhere. Still you show you got nice vocab and poetic vibes going on in your writing, I suspect you can do better given time and oppurtunity.
That being said it's not a bad piece at all.

Hush - more in tune with the topic picture given. Seems like you played around with some concepts here rather than going for a big narrative, and at that it worked fine. No filler, stating more with less words and all that. There was some nice gritty feel to it that matched the topic well.
These lines I liked:

Beat my hide off .. so I would hide when he’s coming
Jeckly and Hyde but one side was rarely discovered
Spare the rod and spoil the child , the whole batch was rotten
Violent savage and toxic ... pain inside leave us disguised as obnoxious

Vote Hush, basically better at all aspects in this match.

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11-15-2020, 03:00 PM	#8
Concrete Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2013 Location: Oslo Posts: 179 Battle Record: 5-0 Rep Power: 2158978	Candy - Perhaps you was unmotivated or in a hurry or something, it's a shame really cos I see there's potential for something greater here. The opening bar was decent enough but the overall tone lacked focus from there and out. I dont see where you wanted to go with this intepretaion, if anywhere. Still you show you got nice vocab and poetic vibes going on in your writing, I suspect you can do better given time and oppurtunity. That being said it's not a bad piece at all. Hush - more in tune with the topic picture given. Seems like you played around with some concepts here rather than going for a big narrative, and at that it worked fine. No filler, stating more with less words and all that. There was some nice gritty feel to it that matched the topic well. These lines I liked: Beat my hide off .. so I would hide when he’s coming Jeckly and Hyde but one side was rarely discovered Spare the rod and spoil the child , the whole batch was rotten Violent savage and toxic ... pain inside leave us disguised as obnoxious Vote Hush, basically better at all aspects in this match.