happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing i know

[dead man]

i think you stopped right where you begun to hit your flow state. it seemed that way to me at least.

your section on staying faithful to your woman was interestingly phrased, lots of cool visuals and self reflective processes going on here. airs winter / hairs thinner might have been my favorite little section. for some odd reason.

if 3 insane people speak with one another they are the baseline of sanity. as the old trope goes.

i'd like to revisit this and break it down a bit. i'm gonna sit with it for a while now.

thanks

[PancakeBrah]

Really good.

[Eŋg]

cheers ex, black and dancake.

[Geno]

Write more

[Eŋg]

Originally Posted by White Earl

Your shit flows but it doesnt. Idk.

@Pakistani Hand Cannon also said this

i haven't figured out why yet

[Inno]

love this. you one of my favs english

[Objective]

This was dope as fuck. Agree with you Inno, one of my favs on here as well.

writing’s cathartic as cliche as night is to darkness.
my life’s in a harness: wife’s trying to harvest
a slice of what’s most ripe in my garden
^This stuck out the most to me. Piece as a whole was solid but this right here hits you right in the gut with excellent penmanship to top it off.

In terms of rhyming but doesn't, I got a thought in terms of rhymeschemes as it seems to break up the flow here and there. Y'all are more experienced than me tho, so correct me if I'm wrong:

over my armoury’s lot - would i rather be unarmed?
probably not. honestly? i’m not honest. i’m not.
^But here, after "Honestly?" it starts with I'm instead of -ot word. Not that it has to, but since it continues from words like "armoury's", "Probably" and then another "-y" word comes along. Brains seem to get caught up in patterns and places like here the pattern is "broken", ye, it still rhymes and follows a certain but flow but during a read it breaks it up without meaning to do so. Even if you did mean to switch up the flow a bit the brain don't want that yet? Idk, just some thoughts, I might be wrong.

The syllabic pattern here is good but relies on nursery rhyme (or using a word twice despite being a very good place to do so):
or reason to better… myself or simply reason! unfetter
the chains of thought and ease all the pressure

Again, it rhymes but like earlier perhaps too many instances of not perfect rhymes makes the flow line up but the rhymes dwindle in effect here and there & vice versa with my earlier example, causing the effect of what white earl speaks about when he says "Your shit flows but it doesnt. Idk." It could very well be a style choice as well, I don't find much fault with it personally but thought I'd air my thoughts in case it'd bring some light to anything

[Pakistani Hand Cannon]

thanx for the feedback bruddahs

i wrote this

[Pharaohs Army]

Really solid man...
A true open mic / life lesson's observations/questions... and the depth/verbiage of & quality spoken word - BUT with all the good hip hop elements of rhyme and rhythm...

Yes... some spots better than others, and I don't have time to break down like Activate, but just wanted to make sure I don't miss this..

I know we have our moments of awkward/ defensive posts and boarding...and you keeping me in check when I talk too much smack... THAT being said I always thought your writtens were well done and I usually learned from some punctuation or spacing/ fancy wording...

Have a good rest of the weekend

[Eŋg]

thanks. i'm unaware of any problem we may have had, i'm just a bit of an acerbic person.

[emcee squared]

up again

[emcee squared]

up for a REAL WRITER REAL HUMAN

[Alice]

Originally Posted by Geno

Write more

[Eŋg]

Originally Posted by emcee squared

up for a REAL WRITER REAL HUMAN

[dead man]

honeyed words
coaxing your coquettish tongue
to twist 'til it's lost its flavour spun
around your cerebrum
waiting for occam's razor to undo the occult favour.
but you give yourself. you do.

10/10 imo

[Pakistani Hand Cannon]

mans outchyea weaving the cryptic triptych fr lol

i think you hide behind ambiguity at times, & i say that, appreciating you do have a deep vocabulary, & that its not necc a requisite that you tone it down, if the aim is self expression to the max, but i still think you do.

probably not. honestly? i’m not honest. i’m not.

but its shit like this i fuck w from you the most probably. im not even sure if you mean it to be this weighty - but thats neither here nor there - how many are dishonest, but lack the honesty within themselves to see it? let alone state it explicitly, for themselves to see?...maybe just dont stop there though ayy?

"the speed at which we hide form ourselves.
to be honest, first be honest in the lies that you tell"

anyway...

talk. i'll fain to listen.

facts. lmao

just tryna find a raison d’etre,
or reason to better… myself or simply reason! unfetter
the chains of thought and ease all the pressure
obsessed with constancy in transient, seasonal weather.

these are waves right here.

there's certain wording, expressions & imagery in this i didnt like, & for me subjectively, do harm an otherwise stellar verse - i expressed them to you in person im pretty sure - so i aint finna labour the point. but on the flip it does give it a more authentic/organic feel. which might be more important tbh.

love brodie.

[Etherwave]

It depends what level of intelligence. If you consider we may possibly be being energy harvested by something or the other happiness might just be the key.

[Cereal]

true dat true dat hey sexy

[ACTIVATE SELF]

Over the years

I’ve probably read this like five times or more. What’s cool about it is that every time I read it I pick up on stuff I didn’t process on previous reads. Maybe I’ve gotten more intelligent (ie less dumb)? Idk. But this piece still holds my attention. I’m not sure what it all adds up to but there are some really good pockets of writing that bind it all together. It’s a good mix of introspective jotting, superior mechanical display and vocabulary. Admittedly, I didn’t know a few of the words. And some I wouldn’t have known how to rhyme. That part is probably not true. But all in all, this was dope. If the sites still here next summer I’ll probably revisit and post a follow up.

“it's real if you know yourself;
such is the law of solipsism“

Makes me think, that maybe I’m just typing to myself.