WEEK 8: Ender vs Johnny 6 feet 6ft WINS

Scar · 05-18-2020, 11:38 AM

6feet, great submission my man. Your story tells of a warped boy who was never able to contain his demons and ultimately grew up to be on the destructive side of society. the writing was great. very colorful wording. flow was ok, i think some transition rhymes at time can make for a smoother read. i only wish there were a bit more reason to his rhyme you know? like did something happened in the past to turn him into a deviant? The twist at the end was a little cheesy lulz but you used a universally recognize program to add even more context/content to your verse. great writing my man.

Ender, I really enjoyed the story. And i do have to agree with Veangeance that it didn't need to be that long. I think it could've been condensed into a shorter entry. I think my favorite stanza was the third. It almost painted a picture of the father being the monster. as i was reading, i was thinking, was it the abuse from his dad that turned him into a monster. So in that case who's the real monster? the ending kind of ruined it lulz but i really did the enjoy the story. The writing itself was effective yet dry you know? the clairty was there but the pizzazz was lacking.

this was good battle. i wasn't a fan of both endings. while i thought ender had a better story but i felt johnny had a better overall package. so with that said,

V/ 6Feet

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05-18-2020, 11:38 AM	#9
Scar Senior Member Join Date: May 2019 Posts: 566 Battle Record: 7-5 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League Rep Power: 5689709	6feet, great submission my man. Your story tells of a warped boy who was never able to contain his demons and ultimately grew up to be on the destructive side of society. the writing was great. very colorful wording. flow was ok, i think some transition rhymes at time can make for a smoother read. i only wish there were a bit more reason to his rhyme you know? like did something happened in the past to turn him into a deviant? The twist at the end was a little cheesy lulz but you used a universally recognize program to add even more context/content to your verse. great writing my man. Ender, I really enjoyed the story. And i do have to agree with Veangeance that it didn't need to be that long. I think it could've been condensed into a shorter entry. I think my favorite stanza was the third. It almost painted a picture of the father being the monster. as i was reading, i was thinking, was it the abuse from his dad that turned him into a monster. So in that case who's the real monster? the ending kind of ruined it lulz but i really did the enjoy the story. The writing itself was effective yet dry you know? the clairty was there but the pizzazz was lacking. this was good battle. i wasn't a fan of both endings. while i thought ender had a better story but i felt johnny had a better overall package. so with that said, V/ 6Feet