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Old 03-16-2020, 12:35 AM   #1
Objective
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,868
Battle Record: 17-32



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Opener is dope and sets the tone, simplistic but does what it needs to with internals. I like the *** as a break/time passes, nice detail.

Good start to the piece as a whole and the first 4 bars in the main verse paints a great picture and lets us get to know the main character.

my pain has been cropped to feeds, please give me a big like
full name with a plot, a dream, a couple faces from real life
that crank of a slot machine is the same as a quick swipe
^This was especially dope to me. I haven't read anything by you in ages and I can tell you've upped your pen game since last time I read anything from you. (I won't count audios for this sort of style as they're vastly different but ye, this is defo some good shit.)

i'm too cute, so block her. i'm the one you want, i'm hungry
i'm about to win an Oscar for this garbage like a junkie
^Flow has been really good up until this point. I like the switch up in flow and style but it happened a bit too abrupt for me. I feel like an internal or two to connect with the previous bar somehow would have done wonders to help with the transition. It's a cool couplet but feel it stands out as a sore thumb as opposed to the rest of your verse which were smoother to me.

lol @ one night Stans.

Snapchat just had sex with Facebook and got high off an Instagram
i just wanted to show everyone how goddamn important i am
^Word, some great commentary on social media right there.

their lives are probly too miserable to expose their fake ass truth
as i sit inside a studio apartment, with just this screen to light the room
^Great closure to wrap it up. Depression is a bitch and I can see how this piece and this sort of thinking have gotten into the minds of many. Specially if they feel a bit entitled from before, and seeing that others are moving on can be tough on some.

Overall great solid piece, sucks that Witty didn't show. Solid drop overall, enjoyed the read. Good luck in upcoming battles.
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I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave,
So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave.


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Last edited by Objective; 03-16-2020 at 12:40 AM.
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