Picture Perfect

[PancakeBrah]

With our eyes burning - seeing is not just believing, its learning,
Its turning the pages n wondering the thoughts we're solemnly earning.

^Opener would have been nice if you didn't use the word solemnly. No need for it, seems thrown in just to be more descriptive/deep.

The more pain we see the more generous our world becomes,

^I disagree.

I leave it to scientist to dissect what a picture does to the brain,
But it’s on the photographer to make you feel the laughter or pain.

^Cool.

These subtle images mean a hidden message just to get you,
Feeling joyous and some times like an African native refuge.

^Already used refugee as a reference earlier. Using it again without a tie in seems like bad wording.


The wording and editing was bad. Rhymes were simple. There were a couple of nice ideas in a few bars but for the most part it was meh. I could have continued critiquing a bunch of bars/lines like the 'solemnly' one I used to start out this feed, but that type of noise was everywhere. Easier just to categorize it as bad wording. Also, the picture made me cringe. Hate that shit.

Keep writing. Work on wording and editing foremost. Complexity next.