AOWL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: pohfig (7-3) VS. ZeeDee (6-2)-- pohfig WINS 4-2

[King Ra.]

16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum. (if agreed upon by both participants, you may go beyond the limit at your own risk.)

Verses are due SUNDAY 5/26 at 11:59 PST.
Extensions are due MONDAY 5/27 at 11:59 PST.
(There is a 6 hour grace period following the end of the extension deadline. If you fail to post anything by the end of the grace period time, you will be given the no show loss.)

You must vote on at least 4 other battles and post links in the Voting Thread. For every absent vote, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.

Voting ends THURSDAY 5/30 at 11:59 PST.(Unless otherwise it may be extended another day at the most.)

You MUSTcheck in.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.

NOTE:
Swaying, excessive freeposting, voter fraud etc. are grounds for vote deductions at discretion of the moderators.
Editing your verse after the grace period, after your opponent posts, or after the first vote (especially this)- as well as biting- are grounds for disqualification at discretion of the moderators.


TOPIC: "Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, still exists." —Phillip K. Dick



Good luck to both participants. @ZeeDee @pohfig

[ZeeDee]

cheating ... hhhmm... fuck it

[Pent uP]

Here we go

[Pent uP]

Ext

[ZeeDee]

Of course pent... take ur time....

[ZeeDee]

Psycho Cycle

Charlie Bowins can hardly focused and this is risking his life
With his young wife, who's his caregiver that commits and abides
By all his rules, wishes and guides even as he hits her for lies
That he's convinced of because his brain's mixed up with dementia inside
He's 85, but his young wife is stuck in her 50s
She's in love, but it's tempting
to overdose him with something that ruptures his kidneys
Or drug him with any
of his regular meds while his stomach is empty
Because he'd lose his change and accusable games
got her beat for touching his pennies
Crazy now, but in the 60s, Charlie was boss of the block
Calling the shots with paws full of pot as the big dog at the top
All of that stopped when he realized this new trouble had started
Which made him feel dumb and retarded: to be someone's next target
Charlie's memory fades as he recollects sections to stencil in place
And within this phase, pictures are traced, but timelines are different in days
This gets insane as he dismisses his age, thinking he's 20 for play
Trying to get inside May, his young wife as she tells him,
"you're bones are too brittle: you'll break!"
When he was able to admit this and say, "I'm sorry for hitting you babe.
But I'm missing my brain." They'd laugh it off and she'd start kissing his face
This was their way with him spitting this game that would whisk her away
Then she creates something to help him as a subliminal aid
Pictures of days in his present age properly fit in their frames
At least one image was placed in every room and given legitimate space
On September 8th, the family threw Charlie a cookout at home
A full Bar B Q feast; charcoal and meat with beans and corn put on the stove
Potato, macaroni and other generations of salad
Are placed next to napkins and Hawaiian rolls on the table for balance
Charlie comes out of his room and they all scream to surprise him
In several teams of excitement, which makes Charlie see them as violent
A flash of dementia happens to enter and he runs in his room
Feeling dumb and confused; wondering where in the fuck's his platoon
Surrounded by enemies, he starts loading all the guns he can use
They're repeating their screams in Vietnamese
so he throws grenades under their shoes
Hunting; he shoots something that moves through the smoky flames
He holds his aim close in range and keeps unloading pain
One in the ear goes through their eyes to appear
as if he cries blood in his tears
They're running in fear, but something seems weird,
that's when he's jumped from the rear
Swinging his fists in meaningless fits, but nothing he see's being hit
They pick him up after several giggles and laughter have them needing to sit
May leans with a kiss directly placing her mouth between his two lips
And Charlie wakes up from his evil visions into a dream full of bliss
The rifle he was clutching to aim turns into an adjustable cane
As he sees socks over the place, realizing that was the grenades
The Vietnam war ended that day as Charlie becomes less insane
Suffering in shame with nothing to say, he just cuddles with May
His tantrum is over,
but it's damaged this soldier as those memories keep fading
Mentally, he's crazy
and needing more care for meds, food and consistently bathing
Charlie's in his 80s; too late to give his brain sensitivity training
Which goes to show; you start off and end life with the tendencies of a baby

[Pent uP]

Hair of the Dog

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, still exists." —Phillip K. Dick

Everything was red - like when you're awake but your numb
and your eyes are closed but you're facing the sun.
You lie there with your head aching a ton
while managing the confined space in your lungs.
Your taste-buds are pushing up daisies and rum,
but you cant get rid of the flavor it sprung.
Your eyelids slowly stop hugging themselves
and the sun greets your temple with a bludgeon to help.
Focus is pulled to become a drum-skin that's stretched
as hollow hearts evolve beyond a "bumping effect."
Summer is met as the sky's blues are magnified
while pupils half their size from hues that stagger eyes.
A dizziness comes from the woozy-patterned sky
like things lightly reflected are dually sacrificed.
Movement might happen like you're flinching and twitching
before rolling in graves to get into the sitting position.
A lawn exposed with torture methods strange and passe
- your head pounded the same direction and way the grass sways.
The green color palpitates against your face in vast rays
and its existence alone elates the drab pain.
The weight just cascades pushing the earth and your sleep
of mud muddled from tears rubbing the dirt on your cheeks.
A proverbial groan that sounds like it merged with a squeal
is let out between a muttered prayer and a courteous plea.
Eyes searching the field find the sun shimmering
against your open bottle beside your unfinished drink.
That one glistening thing makes you wince at the sky;
forcing a reverse vertigo feeling of drifting inside.
The light blue comforts while bridging the sight
with tear sockets too dirt clogged and hindered to cry.
There's grit in your eye, and a timely memory,
blurring a vision of future with a myriad effigies.
A beetle sized lump jumping inside - impending speech
and allowing only whimpers to fly breathlessly.
Breezes that free skin but can dampen your gasps.
Chain tight vein lines along hands in a path
that lead to fatigue while you stand in the grass.
Mundane sun rays that's force you to grab for that glass.
Shattered, relaxed, nerves are swept with fear...
the warm drink becomes a working grenadier.
You slowly examine the dirt you slept on here
to see one outstanding German Shepard ear.
A glance at what you began the night prior,
as a gust thrusts your innards and expands your eyes wider.
- Experiencing a best friend being buried to rot
- both your sense of control and clarity lost...
Liquid courage rises as your lips cherish the sauce.
You'll end and start this the same way
- hair of the dog.

[Zen]

This is a good 'un.
ZeeDee: All jokes aside from what happens in the prediction threads, you're a helluva writer and this was a perfect example of that. This piece flowed perfectly from multi to multi with the scheme constantly switching up so it doesn't become overly repetitive. The story itself I actually found very entertaining as well. Specifically when Charlie is throwing hand grenades at "Charlie" at the the party only to find out he's old and crazy. The last line was the perfect way to end this too. Well done.
pohfig: I really don't even know where to start with this piece lol. Very well written and when I was reading this it seemed very calming to be honest. I'm probably the only person that's gonna say that but forreal the way you worded everything made this an easy read with a lot of meaning behind it. I can't say I actually enjoyed the story behind this, but it shows allot of creativity and I think your writing pulled it off and made it work. Very good writing here.

This is probably BOTW. Voting could go either way on this one, but I got ZeeDee. Great battle.

[zygote]

Zeedee, did not really enjoy it. For a serious topic it had some sort of slapstick element to it, which was unnerving. E.g., "A flash of dementia happens to enter and he runs in his room." Considering the topic you used, the writing lacked a level of stylistic maturity. It didn't really mesh well - your lighthearted take on dealing with visuoperceptual hallucinations and dementia.
Pohfig, verse was similar in that both had similar approaches. A likeable main character dealing with some main problem. Enjoyed your discussion of alcoholism. The hangover description at the start was good scene setting/character development and the conclusion was good. I appreciate the story did not "go anywhere" and the character finished the story with the same relationship to alcohol as he had at the beginning. It gave a sense of realism and strength to the writing. Voted for Pohfig.

[trap.]

zeedee, i like the story you presented and the way you went about it with the slight twist at the end. the problem i have with it is that you incorporated minor details into it that didn't really need to be there. i think when you're writing a story such as that, you need to stick with the bread and butter of the subject. you started out with how the guy had dementia and would beat his wife. correct me if i'm wrong but that part never really went anywhere in the story and it was right in the beginning. it's something the readers grasp onto first and if it goes nowhere it leaves the reader wondering why was that even there in the first place? i hope you don't take this the wrong way, because you have a great grasp on mechanics, i just think the story started somewhere and ended up in another place with unneeded material.

pohfig, this verse was very succinct. you started with the main idea, created this imaginary realm and provoked thoughts that most people feel with the alcohol(ism) subject but in a very descriptive way. you took the reader where you wanted them to go and your grasp of the language within a verse was very good too. no real qualms with this one.

vote - pohfig

[ZeeDee]

U bitches r obviously haters.... but I expext to have my champ status placed under my name like every other champ in this bitchmade dix eatk g league

[Objective]

ZeeDee: Loved the storyline and the characters you portrayed in your piece and how it all fitted extremely well with the topic. May and Charlie was gullible as fuck at the same time you show people that Charlie aint a dude you'd want to fuck with. The only thing I'd like to see more of is May's personality and that's the only thing I got to say about this piece and it's as nitpicking as nitpicking can be. The plot is dope as well. The rhymes didn't wow me, but it did its purpose and the flow was pretty much solid throughout. The piece itself was heartfelt and real and progressed naturally for me. It showed what dementia can do to a person as well. Truly enjoyed the read, well done.

Pohfig: Another brilliant piece right here. Some people take hardship and loss of a great friend the right way, others turn to the bottle, but you can't escape reality. You took the topic and lubricated it with awesomeness. The way you described everything was beautiful, amazingly written and I thoroughly enjoyed this piece as well.

Vote: Pohfig. I seriously enjoyed both of these verses A LOT. It was a DOPE battle. But Pohfig nailed it both topical-wise and rhymestructure along with a colorful verbiage and edged it with that. Still, ZeeDees verse can't be fucked with either, that shit was some thought out shit and I enjoyed it a lot. Looking forward to read more from both.

[patrown]

zeedee -
lighthearted tone avoided being too serious.. good call with the touchy subjects. pulled it off with a sense of humor, like a family member might cope. couldn't have pulled it off without excellent character development.. or the part with him throwing socks as hand grenades.. aiming down his cane. that was pretty funny. mechanics were top notch. enjoyed the multiples and inners throughout.
as well as the i-a assonance carried through these lines..

When he was able to admit this and say, "I'm sorry for hitting you babe.
But I'm missing my brain." They'd laugh it off and she'd start kissing his face
This was their way with him spitting this game that would whisk her away
Then she creates something to help him as a subliminal aid
Pictures of days in his present age properly fit in their frames
At least one image was placed in every room and given legitimate space

read smooth. real fucking smooth. humanity, coping with physical abuse and mental illness. liked the last catchy three, about putting up pictures of him "in his present age." that detail was a nice touch.
in the end, i did feel like something was missing. an appropriate effect. nice drop.

pohfig- this is phenomenal. seriously. i'm trying to make sense of the elemental focus. and so far i'm only certain about the role light plays here. allowing us to see things for how they are and understanding mortality, perception.

The green color palpitates against your face in vast rays
and its existence alone elates the drab pain.
The weight just cascades pushing the earth and your sleep
of mud muddled from tears rubbing the dirt on your cheeks.
A proverbial groan that sounds like it merged with a squeal
is let out between a muttered prayer and a courteous plea.
Eyes searching the field find the sun shimmering
against your open bottle beside your unfinished drink.

you're a fucking genius. anyway, lights a reflection of life the earth..and the earth holds us down, eventually consuming us all while time/wind's wearing on us.
reaching for the glass is tantamount to not finishing it.. the bottle it's poured from exists because of the world, and in the end is less of an enemy than our own intellect/light. anyway, that's what i took from this piece. besides a few hours on a well lit portion of earth.
edit: mechanics here kicked ass too. i cut myself off to avoid rambling before i got there.

/v pohfig - a lot of truth's written plainly, while staying wide open to interpretation. some serious stuff, strong messages.. i know i couldn't fuck with it on my best day. zee would've had to throw in a plot twist from the record books for the /v imo.

[Mike Wrecka]

ok quick vote from me. my bad guys

zeedee- this was pretty damn sick. the story arch was fantastic. I fully expected the main character to have actually slain everyone at the party in a fit of hallucinations but it was even a better twist when he was holding a cane instead of a gun. the flow was pretty good. and I really stayed interested in the story.

pohfig- superior writing, flow and structure by you. the verse sounded great, read great but the story lacked for me. didn't keep me engaged like zeedees did. some real poignant lines in there.

this is tough. I cant really decide tbh cause its so close. two different styles here but my gut tells me to vote for

vote- zee dee

great battle guys. props to both

[Adonis]

I can not give a vote to this match as there is a member I do not enjoy...sorry Pent, if you would like feed I can PM you some shit

just let me know and I will do

[trap.]

pohfig wins, 4-2.