Week 1: Legion (0-0) vs. Frank (0-0) - FRANK WINS 3-2

[Frank]

Season 7

Verses are due Thursday 12/15 at 11:59 PST. EXT 12/16 11:59 PST

Voting ends Sunday 12/18 at 11:59 PST

Verses may not exceed 64 lines

Voting on 3 battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will not receive a victory. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension.

Topic: I find that ducks' opinions of me is greatly influenced by whether or not I have bread.

Good luck to both participants @Legion @Frank

[Frank]

Donald begets a series of bombarding echoing, into the foggy forest - sonically dense
Putting his woodwind instrument back into his top pocket, distraught and upset
Donald hopped off the log in the marshes down trodden trench like a rotting bench
When a corresponding squawk came from the distant tropical west, his binoculars rocked on his neck
Watching the flock - with his shotgun, propped with intent, he locked and loaded it, bullet lodged in
As the oxygen left Donald’s breath, blocking the migrating swaths - polka dotted descent
Following the raucous vignette, gliding in over the top of his head, astonishing finesse
The rippling pond calms as Donald calls for another series of honking and gets
The attention of a colorful mallard – double barrel focused on its coddling breast
Insulated feathers upon its chest, shiny, green bobbing heads
Silvery white bodies and grey wings with blue markings, and orange bottomed feet waddling webbed
Donald reaches into his balmy vest, squatting on the ledge of the pond with his palms offering
Donald tests a barrage of effects, as one of the birds wanders next to his toppling tent
Pompous, majestic, Donald shot, as the flock shot off the pond like a rocketing jet
Reloading as they shockingly fled, feathers flying gently, rocking to a silent plop in the ponds monotonous ebb
Droppings wallop his lenses, droppings get on to his vest; he wipes away the globs, watching their ascent
"Kanc, Kanc, Kanc, Kanc, Kanc, Kanc” He fires a lone shot into the fog, into the mirage of its end
The group of birds mob from the threat, squawking over the pond, obnoxious and stressed
Donald wobbles drenched to his rotting nest, where his squabbling friends are waking up starving and vexed
Going on and on about how Donald squandered the rest of the food, boggled - he vomits depressed
Eating up the story, he apologizes and sets out, pardoning himself.
Donald returns to the pond with his friends.
Donald’s friends make wise cracks, quaking with hopes the birds return to the pond - unresponsive again
Honking into the disheartening wind, the reflection off the water is nostalgically grim
Suddenly he spots them again; Donald looks out through his binoculars fondly watching them in the yonder suspense
Squawking and quacking, Aaaaaaink…Aaaaaink... Aaaaink...Bombarding the pond, with harkening revenge
Swarming in from the dawn – Donald and his friends dropped - as they swept in like special operative feds
The Mighty duck waddled webbed towards Donald, stopping to sense, taking cautious steps: blotting wet
Stepping over rock and grit, the flock comically begged, frolicking into the pond to periodically fetch -
Soggily necked - squawking avenged, Donald neglects to go for his gun, and oddly reflects while the flock mockingly treads
Beady eyed duckey faces conned and mislead, jostling to be fed
Donald promptly edges the chamber backwards with hollow tip lead
Drama, suspense, as the birds catastrophically sped off the pond, shell shocking intense
Donald’s diabolical quest, Donald looks over and honestly says
I find that a ducks' opinions of me is greatly influenced by whether or not I got bread.

[Legion Of Cocks in my mouth]

No matter what's in your pocket,
they'll take the crumbs out your wallet.
These birds are selfish, all about them.
No stressin'. They aren't all around 10s.
If I don't feed 'em I get no attention.
Slow progression, but no known affection.
Sometimes I throw the bait,
underhand for my shoulder's sake.
Cold or baked if you aint got it,
they'll take it off ya homey's plate.
These birds are real savages.
Orange peels, cabbage.
Wide beaks and ugly faces.
Eating off of muddy places.

They'll do anything when you give them anything.

It's not me they want.
It's the cheese, seeds and nuts.
Over by the water and pavilion.
Hopefully wont squander my position.
Watching these ducks sunbathe,
filthy hair and a lot of gum space.
Protruding stomachs and webbed feet.
Only act friendly when you let the set eat.
These birds roam the park.
I feel bad if one stole ya heart.
Our feelings dont matter.
Birds need to eat and I got the boneless platter.
They'll leave us in a second.
Deceive me into guessing,
that they cared and that's not the case,
but I still toss the grapes across the lake.
Man, these ducks are fucking dickheads.
They only walk up if you come with bread.

[Razah]

Frank, I'm glad I got a widescreen monitor, fits your verse perfectly. I'm always impressed & disappointed with your verses, most of the time. It's like I like the words you used to rhyme, the rhyme schemes, internals, adjectives used & how they're very descriptive and can paint a picture, but then I get bored. I feel like you streettcchhh somethings out too much. It's like the movies that are just a liiitttlleee too long. Also, I counted how many syllables were in one line, and it was 30. I feel like that's wayyyy too much to have a consistent smooth flow. What really helps is the amount of rhyme schemes / switch ups / internals you can fit into a line, but overall, what saves you usually is the story told. This time, I wasn't a huge fan.

Legion, I dunno if I've read a verse from you before or not, *shrugs. I feel like both of you guys went quite literal as far as your topic was concerned. While reading Legion's verse, it gave me a more, "rap me" type of verse. I don't know why I got a 'battle' feel from the verse, I can't put a finger on that, but I did. The verse felt kind of hood, to be honest. Lol. At first, I thought you were going to use that as a metaphor sort of, but then I saw it was just going directly after the topic.

Weird battle, both attacked the topic kind of the same way, except Frank was technically better, as far as mechanics go. Although I'll never be a fan of Frank fitting a whole speech into a bar, this time around, although he's told better stories, still did enough to get my vote.

vFrank

[UnbornBuddha]

Reading your piece Frank always seems like a chore. You do too much. But you have a knack for imagery and probably one of the best storytellers on this site. Maybe only Zygote and Vulgar are better. But Zygote is a robot, and Vulgar is well Vulgar.

Legion, this was okay. It wasn't as bombastic as Frank's, in a sense because it wasn't as outgoing as Frank's. So it had a better effect neurologically on my brain, as I began to perceive the sensory inputs from the writing, composed of the letters and words that are used to form its images . So its easier to take it in. This had to do partially with presentation, Frank's piece was as usual a gigantic mess.
But, the guy writes in a very nuanced way and wins this pretty easily.

Vote: Frank

[MMLP]

Frank – I struggled to get into this man, your flow is usually maintained with an unmatched blistering rhyme pace that is somewhat structured. But in this, a lot of the multies didn’t go for me and pace/flow was lost. Diction, storytelling and imagery was the better of the two no doubt but I kinda got lost n began to lose interest around 10 lines in, felt like it unnecessarily dragged. The spin at the end was good, the whole piece was written in such a way that I didn’t see it coming, it would have hit harder had I not already seen legion’s twist.

Legion – luckily I read your verse before I even looked at the topic (before frank had posted) and the twist hit hard, really dope. For some reason ‘wide beaks’ & ‘webbed feet’ never raised any suspicion. I laughed at the end and was in awe when reading back at your verse. The parallels, the structure, the lead up and then the payoff was crazy good. What’s even more impressive is that this seems like it took no more than 30mins to write. My first time reading something from you, I like your style. Cool piece.

You both hit the topic a little too direct with relevant twists that the pieces needed. Legion’s approach was simple and effective making it seem better executed, everything in the verse seem to have its purpose.
Last minute comedic twists, that tie in perfectly and bring purpose to everything written before it… is EXACTLY the type of thing that wins me over.
I was caught off guard by both endings, I genuinely LOL’d at the end of legion’s verse. So taking everything into consideration, he gets my vote.
Good battle lads!

[2tripple0]

okay i was feeling franks verse more in this battle.... legion i didnt like the take on the topic that you chose......the idea of birds and them feeding off of people just didnt sit right for me..... on the other hand frank came with a verse that was easy to relate to about this guy called donald er watever...... anyways for me he was the stronger verse all around and i just wasnt taken by legions verse.... so yeah vote...... frank


vote: frank

[Adonis]

Legion, you approached this verse smart. You executed in verse form, meaning rapy ish.... But you played with the topic given, making the read comical, which was dope. The dance between hood lingo, connecting the dots using actual bird reference and female (chicken head) reference was done well. You played the fence well. Not sure how your style will translate in the future, but for this week, given you slayed the topic, you did well.

Frank, I struggle reading your shit these days man, I have no clue what it is, but your style is just not for me. I think we're just opposite in all things topical. I liked the whimsical approach for sure, disliked everything else.

V/ Legion

A more fluid read imo, (more simple, but that's neither here nor there) executed topic with precision as well as producing a verse that was on the lighter side of life while still dealing with reality. Good shit