ELITE EIGHT: Pent uP vs Eng - OPEN FOR VOTES!

UnbornBuddha · 09-18-2016, 02:28 PM

Eng: "with ashtrays unfurling lines of nominal, apt grey
shaping malaise for a self-medicating prodigal, mad patient.
The wallet in his hand’s vacant. Thinking on halcyon...
Questions posed among his own thoughts amount to naught.
Broken walks on frozen shores to refresh his oldest haunts"

That was profoundly beautiful. There are many other parts in your verse that stood out, but that one, in particular, struck a cord. I enjoyed it all to tell you the truth, what I think your biggest difficulty in topical writing as far as I can notice is a clear-cut relationship to the topic at hand. Now if one squints one can get a glimpse of the interrelationship you mended, and I can imagine it being your downfall at least in this tournament. Your literary style writing appeals to me, in many ways. But your connection to the topic always seems so intangible, albeit I think your narrative here was more balanced in its approach and externalized to meet the reader.

Pent-Up: I can't really point out a part I disliked, everything was written cohesively and fluently. You have an apt for description. That said there wasn't much that really etched into my mind, there was "while the tender pours a gin and tonic and two whiskeys, neat. But the father, sullen and through gritted teeth". I think the technique here was very intriguing, yet overall while enjoyable, it wasn't as memorable as Eng's depiction.

Vote: Eng

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Switch to Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Threaded Mode

09-18-2016, 02:28 PM	#5
UnbornBuddha Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 1,008 Battle Record: 23-10 Champed - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 5 Rep Power: 23856379	Eng: "with ashtrays unfurling lines of nominal, apt grey shaping malaise for a self-medicating prodigal, mad patient. The wallet in his hand’s vacant. Thinking on halcyon... Questions posed among his own thoughts amount to naught. Broken walks on frozen shores to refresh his oldest haunts" That was profoundly beautiful. There are many other parts in your verse that stood out, but that one, in particular, struck a cord. I enjoyed it all to tell you the truth, what I think your biggest difficulty in topical writing as far as I can notice is a clear-cut relationship to the topic at hand. Now if one squints one can get a glimpse of the interrelationship you mended, and I can imagine it being your downfall at least in this tournament. Your literary style writing appeals to me, in many ways. But your connection to the topic always seems so intangible, albeit I think your narrative here was more balanced in its approach and externalized to meet the reader. Pent-Up: I can't really point out a part I disliked, everything was written cohesively and fluently. You have an apt for description. That said there wasn't much that really etched into my mind, there was "while the tender pours a gin and tonic and two whiskeys, neat. But the father, sullen and through gritted teeth". I think the technique here was very intriguing, yet overall while enjoyable, it wasn't as memorable as Eng's depiction. Vote: Eng