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07-27-2016, 02:22 AM
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The Clown Prince
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,046
Battle Record: 35-45
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 59349682   |
You are a young one arent you....
I can see the newbie aura emitting off of you. this was pretty nostalgic for the most part the long lines of ideas that eventually fizzle eventually you lightened up...but that wasnt until the end... you should have started with that whole idea. when you said chain, then went on to chain of events. lol there is some sort of potential in there and it may shine through. but get some practice in & shorten the lines up... keep writing
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.....laugh....and the world laughs with you |
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