Artifice vs. Timeless [Time 2-1]

UnbornBuddha · 06-02-2016, 03:28 AM

Artifice: They were some cool lines here, the chieftain line for instance. I mean it is obvious you didn't fully sketch out a whole verse. From what I've read from you previously, you usually go longer and you have this particular way of phrasing things that was missing here. Nevertheless, I still it is an okay showing, nothing mind blowing, but it entertained me.

Timeless: I like the alliteration, it was really short though. Its a good thing you showed though, but it was so short that it's hard to take the piece serious. I also don't see how nerves could muffled and slumped, seems like a poor image.

I have to go with Artifice here. Even though it wasn't as close-knit as I'm used to when reading Artifice's work it still overtook Timeless here.

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06-02-2016, 03:28 AM	#3
UnbornBuddha Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 1,008 Battle Record: 23-10 Champed - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 5 Rep Power: 23856379	Artifice: They were some cool lines here, the chieftain line for instance. I mean it is obvious you didn't fully sketch out a whole verse. From what I've read from you previously, you usually go longer and you have this particular way of phrasing things that was missing here. Nevertheless, I still it is an okay showing, nothing mind blowing, but it entertained me. Timeless: I like the alliteration, it was really short though. Its a good thing you showed though, but it was so short that it's hard to take the piece serious. I also don't see how nerves could muffled and slumped, seems like a poor image. I have to go with Artifice here. Even though it wasn't as close-knit as I'm used to when reading Artifice's work it still overtook Timeless here.