Week 11: Frank vs Mr. J [TIE]

Artifice · 05-19-2016, 04:56 PM

Mr J

I didn't totally get it. I was following the story up until the fourth section (i think) and then I got lost. Not sure if this is in any way related to the actual movie (which I haven't seen) or not, but I'm missing something. In terms of mechanics, this is cool, you play with some different schemes which is nice to read, and other than where I get lost, your narrative moves pretty nicely. I think the first section is the strongest, personally.

Frank

Cool piece here. A few spots that are worded awkwardly but that usually happens when you carry the same syllable scheme for so long. this was a better showing (IMO) than your last few verses... some witty bits mixed with a good use of vocab to illustrate the scene you're describing...

overall I got Frank taking this with something I got a little bit more out of...

v/ Frank

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05-19-2016, 04:56 PM	#6
Artifice Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2016 Posts: 269 Battle Record: 17-9 Champed - Art Of Writing League - GWL Picture Challenge Rep Power: 3944949	Mr J I didn't totally get it. I was following the story up until the fourth section (i think) and then I got lost. Not sure if this is in any way related to the actual movie (which I haven't seen) or not, but I'm missing something. In terms of mechanics, this is cool, you play with some different schemes which is nice to read, and other than where I get lost, your narrative moves pretty nicely. I think the first section is the strongest, personally. Frank Cool piece here. A few spots that are worded awkwardly but that usually happens when you carry the same syllable scheme for so long. this was a better showing (IMO) than your last few verses... some witty bits mixed with a good use of vocab to illustrate the scene you're describing... overall I got Frank taking this with something I got a little bit more out of... v/ Frank