Week 6: Artifice vs. Razah (ARTIFICE WINS SHUTOUT 8-0)

timeless · 04-13-2016, 09:34 AM

Art, I appreciate the ambition you displayed here. You have a strong, natural course in your writing that really shows your ceiling rather than your floor as a writer. Your floor is what you make it, and if it's shown here, you are going to go far here. Alot of people approach storytelling rugged and fast, almost always losing the reader at first glance, inserting multiple rhyme fillers to keep the verse from stagnating when in reality it does exactly that. You don't have these qualities, at least not displayed here. Solid verse.

Razah, seen much better from you, where is this rut you are stuck in so we can help dig you out? Conceptually, you came as straight forward as possible, nding it with nothing exciting, no twist. Not saying this was bad, just I know you can do better. The first half was rampant, while the second caught more ground that you intended. Work on your word progression, ease into what you're writing before you blast out of the cannon trying to find a highlight of an ending.

V. Artifice

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04-13-2016, 09:34 AM	#1
timeless past tense Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: NJ Posts: 1,623 Battle Record: 22-39 Rep Power: 4341329	Art, I appreciate the ambition you displayed here. You have a strong, natural course in your writing that really shows your ceiling rather than your floor as a writer. Your floor is what you make it, and if it's shown here, you are going to go far here. Alot of people approach storytelling rugged and fast, almost always losing the reader at first glance, inserting multiple rhyme fillers to keep the verse from stagnating when in reality it does exactly that. You don't have these qualities, at least not displayed here. Solid verse. Razah, seen much better from you, where is this rut you are stuck in so we can help dig you out? Conceptually, you came as straight forward as possible, nding it with nothing exciting, no twist. Not saying this was bad, just I know you can do better. The first half was rampant, while the second caught more ground that you intended. Work on your word progression, ease into what you're writing before you blast out of the cannon trying to find a highlight of an ending. V. Artifice