Diode vs. Razah - OPEN FOR VOTES

[Diode]

summer sun glints, glowing - sparks and embers
memory fading fast fiercly, yet i still remember
that carolina sky with its rich refractive blue
hues of my feelings play vividly whenever i think of you

strawberry scents waft, dance, delicate.. delightful

that perfume you once wore did a piroutte on my puberty
uselessly, i struggled to find the right words
incite verbs.. to flow eloquently from my tongue
i'd tell you tall tales of my traumatic search just to find the right one

we'd unite, love. forever heavenly held
you and i? splendid, endlessly melt
under covers or behind doors, the choice yours
sometimes maybe even a bit voyeur
it was a fatal attraction, a chemical bond
unaware with youthful naievete of the terror beyond
time would level, but not pause,
frivolous in its fateful nature to keep marching right on

i still weep at the thought
ignorant in our bliss, diligent when we kissed
aging rapidly and clinging haggardly but for naught
then we're in disarray and distraught
and they say nothing gold can stay, but if i had my way
i'd still have the old you by my side to hold today

we'd rebuild collapsing castles in the many facets of the world we claimed
unashamed, recapturing the moment with a melody that we'd mold unchained
withhold the blame or jealousy wrecking me at every turn
and so it goes we'd make it through the fire with the fibers of our tapestry without burns

but that's just a fantasy, see?
the real world remains undeterred
to remind me of the pain left behind in this verse
when i think i've climbed above it all now
could reach the summit and clouds
i realize there's still so far to go
..though i'd never look down

because while it's true the theft of our love left me feeling bereft
i never could have left if i hadn't taken the first step

[Pinot Grij]

Razah - this was a pretty, heartfelt piece. I have no shame in saying it gave me serious feels. Despite being a straightforward verse about a father's love for his child, you made it unique with strong rhyme choices.

Disgusted by much but I've been amazed by your laughter
Used to question life on this Earth 'til I created the answer

Truth. Amazing.

I view life in a new light & it came from your purity
I was growing sick of the times, thank you for curing me

Again. Hard hitting stuff.

That felicity line was pretty basic - anything that discusses the "definition" or the "meaning of" is pretty cliche at this point.

Could've ended much stronger - I don't feel like the finale really encapsulated the emotion of the whole piece. Overall though - very heartfelt, it gave great perspective and had some really emotionally hard-hitting lines.

Diode - opener is a bit rocky.. the alliteration is a nice touch, but not enough to overcome the simplistic rhyme and off-flow.

that carolina sky with its rich refractive blue

I love this line - I listen to a lot of country music and I love the attribution of something worldly to a specific place. Like, the sky is no different in Carolina than anywhere else... but it feels different if you only knew. Anyways, I liked that line, but I felt like the following line didn't give it its due. Once again, it's a pretty simplistic rhyme.

strawberry scents waft, dance, delicate.. delightful

did not like this.

Pirouette on puberty line is a nice touch!

Incite verbs - I don't know if a subject such as yours, which I am assuming is a young man reminiscing on lost love, would use such language.

I like the rapid fire element of the next stanza. It comes at you all at once, as young love tends to do.

The movement from youth to old age was a bit clunky. I just don't feel like this verse had the "it" factor. The storyline was basic, the rhyming was basic, the imagery and concepts used were pretty basic. It wasn't bad, just nothing really stands out for me that makes my jaw drop.

Vote -- Razah.. in a battle of two emotionally-charged verses, he ran away with better description and a more heartfelt tone.