Pinot Grij vs. Soulstice - OPEN FOR VOTES

Cimmerian · 01-21-2016, 11:23 AM

I need to get some work done at the office so I'll be relatively brief here.

Pinot - The idea was fresh but I think you could have executed it better with more time. Some weird parts in it, including the voodoo chant.

Soulstice - The flow was great but I felt that to rhyme like that, you chose to take away from the content. Specifically, as a reader I had trouble understanding who the narrator was, why was she in the house? Sick, paralyzed, elderly? Without understanding that, how can one deeply appreciate the content in the verse? Without it, the character becomes muted, as your second line described. I did not understand how the verse related to the topic.

Vote - Pinot Grij.

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01-21-2016, 11:23 AM	#1
Cimmerian Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2013 Posts: 142 Rep Power: 2933499	I need to get some work done at the office so I'll be relatively brief here. Pinot - The idea was fresh but I think you could have executed it better with more time. Some weird parts in it, including the voodoo chant. Soulstice - The flow was great but I felt that to rhyme like that, you chose to take away from the content. Specifically, as a reader I had trouble understanding who the narrator was, why was she in the house? Sick, paralyzed, elderly? Without understanding that, how can one deeply appreciate the content in the verse? Without it, the character becomes muted, as your second line described. I did not understand how the verse related to the topic. Vote - Pinot Grij.