Frank vs. VividlyVague - OPEN FOR VOTES

[Pinot Grij]

VV - I loved the opening rhyme scheme, but "light liquor" is awkwardly worded. But overall, you painted a nice picture and there was also the insinuation of something sinister lurking beneath this guy's shiny exterior.

"a denial of buried photography" - this loses me a bit. It's not specific enough for me to follow where you're going next.

"testament to his property" - Once again - awkward wording. I don't know specifically what you're referring to.

her cloths float - once again.

In the end, minus those blips I pointed out, I really enjoyed reading this. The chilling opener - the repression of the memories, although handled a bit clunkily, were an important narrative touch for a rape victim. The suicide scenery really suited the moment of clarity as it were. It was a bit hard to decipher the real from the conceptual, but it was a worthwhile pay off once I figured it out.

Frank -- I think I took a lot of extra time to point out some major flaws in your game with regards to last week's verse and here I see the same things but performed much more egregiously. Mostly, the frustrating part of this verse is that the double "U" sound that you've focused your rhyme scheme on is just ugly. Elsewhere, where you've pulled off near-rhymes and off-rhymes quite adeptly in the past - in this verse, the near-rhymes sound awkward, as though they're missteps.

vehicles drove past her / cars steered by her : you're saying the exact same thing in two connecting lines.

"gunk & pus" - "black buttery glove" - "a bucket of dung" - "numb from what wrung"

There's so much nonsense involved here. I didn't want to read this verse, I wanted to edit it. Deep down, it's a good verse, but there's too much bogging it down that reading it is an exercise in frustration.

Vote -- VividlyVague