Round One: 6. Asylum vs. 11. CopyPat - Asylum 5-1

Woke · 11-20-2015, 11:32 AM

Short vote, sorry. Haha at pointing out the rhymes, nice opener. Went full story Bruce Willis style incorporating not a very complex rhyme scheme, instead going with amount over all. The story was cool, a bit jumpy as I feel like you the beginning didn't really belong. After you mentioned the masks you went to scouting to gunning to killing while the cops wore bandanas, not the masks. Anyway, a fun read to say the least. As for pat, I liked your use of war and soldier metaphor throughout the verse, without those many instances this verse would be a loss for sure, but you kind of saved it there. I enjoyed the read and it's safe to say Americans feel your pain as far as gas goes. All in all though, this verse left me wanting more. More depth, more meat, something to either wrap my brain around or at least a eye opening ending

V/asylum for the more entertaining read, very close vote for me though

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11-20-2015, 11:32 AM	#3
Woke Senior Member Join Date: May 2015 Posts: 183 Battle Record: 6-4 Rep Power: 553418	Short vote, sorry. Haha at pointing out the rhymes, nice opener. Went full story Bruce Willis style incorporating not a very complex rhyme scheme, instead going with amount over all. The story was cool, a bit jumpy as I feel like you the beginning didn't really belong. After you mentioned the masks you went to scouting to gunning to killing while the cops wore bandanas, not the masks. Anyway, a fun read to say the least. As for pat, I liked your use of war and soldier metaphor throughout the verse, without those many instances this verse would be a loss for sure, but you kind of saved it there. I enjoyed the read and it's safe to say Americans feel your pain as far as gas goes. All in all though, this verse left me wanting more. More depth, more meat, something to either wrap my brain around or at least a eye opening ending V/asylum for the more entertaining read, very close vote for me though