Week 11 Championship: Frank vs. sraL - (Lars captures title)

Vulgar · 09-14-2015, 09:35 PM

Lars - Easily digestible, oiled couplets are the defining thumbprint of your style as of late. Overly mechanical at times, it covers mostly every base and handles wordplay opportunities swiftly and attentively. What can happen is sort of a paradox, where your writer's voice becomes so predictable that the habitual act of "glazing over" a piece as a reader occurs. I have a responsibility as the reader to read this with an active eye, open mind and receptive mood. I think that your style can get repetitive if you always take this "formulaic" route, if you will. I'm being picky not just because I want to sound cool & relay constructive feedback, but because this is a trend I'm sensing in the woodworks - trying to conquer poetry isn't really necessary. (Although you have champed the league as a result.) While the rhyming is stellar, done in nice fashion, it can serve as a hindrance if you want to unlock something further. Take an observant look at the poetry you've written for this league and cross-examine it with your topical portfolio, and the only difference is a little undressing in structure and, arguably, length. Anyway, I thought it was cool.

Frank - Fuck... judging your verses from a topical standpoint is unique due to the fact that we all love a good all-out rhythmic gauntlet, a battle against the writer, presented by the writer, to prove a veritable longevity in the face of the rap gods. An attempt at indomitability - which you have succeeded in more than once. I couldn't get into these though, man, especially now that I have my diction cap on more than ever, this being a poetry league, where its "gospel" if you will is to be okay with stripping down. Getting a little more minimalist with your approach to assure a succinct product. A smorgasbord is allowed, and encouraged, like you put on display here. There was disorder in the food presentation, though, and I definitely didn't like at least 17 awkward sounding lines/wording/rhyme couplets. Keep doing you though and come back strong.

Vote - sraL

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09-14-2015, 09:35 PM	#13
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	Lars - Easily digestible, oiled couplets are the defining thumbprint of your style as of late. Overly mechanical at times, it covers mostly every base and handles wordplay opportunities swiftly and attentively. What can happen is sort of a paradox, where your writer's voice becomes so predictable that the habitual act of "glazing over" a piece as a reader occurs. I have a responsibility as the reader to read this with an active eye, open mind and receptive mood. I think that your style can get repetitive if you always take this "formulaic" route, if you will. I'm being picky not just because I want to sound cool & relay constructive feedback, but because this is a trend I'm sensing in the woodworks - trying to conquer poetry isn't really necessary. (Although you have champed the league as a result.) While the rhyming is stellar, done in nice fashion, it can serve as a hindrance if you want to unlock something further. Take an observant look at the poetry you've written for this league and cross-examine it with your topical portfolio, and the only difference is a little undressing in structure and, arguably, length. Anyway, I thought it was cool. Frank - Fuck... judging your verses from a topical standpoint is unique due to the fact that we all love a good all-out rhythmic gauntlet, a battle against the writer, presented by the writer, to prove a veritable longevity in the face of the rap gods. An attempt at indomitability - which you have succeeded in more than once. I couldn't get into these though, man, especially now that I have my diction cap on more than ever, this being a poetry league, where its "gospel" if you will is to be okay with stripping down. Getting a little more minimalist with your approach to assure a succinct product. A smorgasbord is allowed, and encouraged, like you put on display here. There was disorder in the food presentation, though, and I definitely didn't like at least 17 awkward sounding lines/wording/rhyme couplets. Keep doing you though and come back strong. Vote - sraL