Week 8 Contenders: sraL vs. MMLP - (sraL wins)

Vulgar · 08-24-2015, 08:10 PM

Lars - Neatly written with plenty of instances of slickness. It was woven with unconventional rhyme patterns, probably to keep the reader on their toes. I liked the rendition you put forth, but feel as though a strong poem from your opponent would give this one trouble, simply because it's one of those self explanatory, rooted in concrete approaches. Something that can shape shift in the reader's minds/vary voter to voter might be more receptive. Just my topicalist mind set kicking in, lol. Good writing.

MMLP - Some good thoughts in here but there was a lack of propulsion to really get the main idea going full force. I think there were sparks of something, just not fully executed. I think you could be more adventurous/step outside of the structural limitations you decided to use here.

My vote goes to the Brit by the name of Lars.

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08-24-2015, 08:10 PM	#1
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	Lars - Neatly written with plenty of instances of slickness. It was woven with unconventional rhyme patterns, probably to keep the reader on their toes. I liked the rendition you put forth, but feel as though a strong poem from your opponent would give this one trouble, simply because it's one of those self explanatory, rooted in concrete approaches. Something that can shape shift in the reader's minds/vary voter to voter might be more receptive. Just my topicalist mind set kicking in, lol. Good writing. MMLP - Some good thoughts in here but there was a lack of propulsion to really get the main idea going full force. I think there were sparks of something, just not fully executed. I think you could be more adventurous/step outside of the structural limitations you decided to use here. My vote goes to the Brit by the name of Lars.