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04-28-2013, 04:09 PM
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#3 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 329
Battle Record: 5-5
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a couple things here...
the uses of slashes (/) is traditionally for breath marks... is that how you intended it here? because if so, I'm confused why you chose to put them in front of your question marks... the spelling needs alot of work.. running spellcheck once could have resolved alot of these problems. the idea behind this isn't unique, but that's okay. it doesn't always have to be, and we've all written this type of piece before... but what it lacks is the garnish. you didn't deliver this idea in a way that gave me the impression you spent alot of time in the execution. the wording, the associations produced, the rhymes.. it didn't exactly scream "polished"..
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Pen and Thread Bent | Nom | Ink STILL working on that book I left competing for... ig: @dchang.poetry |
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