AOWL Week 10: DeadLion (0-0) VS. pohfig (4-3) [POHFIG WINS, 10-0.]

Zen · 04-25-2013, 11:50 AM

DeadLion: Good piece. Not HOF worthy but good. In some cases it seemed like you were rhyming just to rhyme. Perfect example of that is the Pulling Mars section. I do the same from time to time so no big deal. But all in all this piece was really fuckin short. There was little to no build up to the end. It's just sitting under stars, rhyme, rhyme, shot in the gut and that left me kinda...Idk I just thought there should be a bigger buildup before that point. All in all Dage..I mean DeadLion it was good.
pohfig: Damn good writing here. The wording was strange and different compared to others here and that's a plus in my book. It's very unique. Good content displayed throughout this piece but what I was most impressed with this piece was the figure in the drapes section. From that line til the end of that stanza was good in my opinion. Anyway you're rhyme scheme was basic to me, I would've like to have seen you change that up once in awhile to keep it a little fresh but it's no biggie. All in all a solid piece.

My vote goes to pohfig

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04-25-2013, 11:50 AM	#1
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	DeadLion: Good piece. Not HOF worthy but good. In some cases it seemed like you were rhyming just to rhyme. Perfect example of that is the Pulling Mars section. I do the same from time to time so no big deal. But all in all this piece was really fuckin short. There was little to no build up to the end. It's just sitting under stars, rhyme, rhyme, shot in the gut and that left me kinda...Idk I just thought there should be a bigger buildup before that point. All in all Dage..I mean DeadLion it was good. pohfig: Damn good writing here. The wording was strange and different compared to others here and that's a plus in my book. It's very unique. Good content displayed throughout this piece but what I was most impressed with this piece was the figure in the drapes section. From that line til the end of that stanza was good in my opinion. Anyway you're rhyme scheme was basic to me, I would've like to have seen you change that up once in awhile to keep it a little fresh but it's no biggie. All in all a solid piece. My vote goes to pohfig