Semi-finals: Razah vs. Mr. J - (Mr. J wins)

[UnbornBuddha]

Very similar verses, Razah more introspective with his internal dialogue, and Mr. J more scenic and more technically sound, as made apparent by his clean formats and the contents therein.

Razah: I enjoyed this, the lead and follow up of the narrative was somewhat dramatic in its telling. There was a suspense in the air that you crafted. Although, it had a unique contrast with the introspective style that you usually come with. But, this was more outwardly because there was an explorative and navigation aspect to it. In some ways the verse is simple, nothing too showy, just straight to your point. Even your metaphors aren't complex, instead they are personal and that's why they resonate. It would be nice if you added names to this characters, and while the enigmatic unknown factor to the characters is sometimes the best tool, I feel sometimes you don't unravel their identity, mostly because of your preference to this stream of consciousness style, in which the I is the perspective, the eye that sees everything. The greater scope is something that is a nice touch, in this kind of stories. Nevertheless, a nice verse. You have a very formal style that adds emotional and dramatic effect.

Mr.J: Very well formatted, but reading your verse again I notice Razah has more of an emotional touch to his. Yours is more detached, not a bad thing, but something I noticed. I do get the notion that emotion is sometimes hard to display for us detached individuals, which let's face it, writers tend to be, due to their observational objectivism in which subjectivity becomes a mere plot, but there's not that connection. I mean generally there can be, but many writers write so proficiently that the amount of material they hash out does not correlate to the happenings of their life. Anyway, the reason I bring this up is because I feel like that is something you as a writer need to work on, as well. I also loved that you used the caption of the photo to be technically your last line, after the ending of your verse. It's a clever tool, I will probably incorporate sometime in the future. I also will say that by the end of the stanza, the flow became more stretched and that technical fluidity became less noticeable.

This is a tough vote, very similar verses. But, I think I will give it to the one whose writting techniques impressed me the most.

Vote: Mr.J... Thank you both!