AOWL Week 9: Innovator (3-5) vs. Ink (3-2) [INNOVATOR WINS, 6-2.]

[Juxtaposition]

Well I had a longer breakdown initially but there was an error or whatever and sent me back to the netcees screen so..

Vote Ink

It's funny because Inn had the topic of Magic, and the poetic language of his writing, cast a spell of substance. But to me it fizzled. I needed to enchanted and you just did some slight of hand.

I felt he had good word association and language flow, good rhyme patterns in the third, but besides 2 areas which actually had depth and vividness, I really feel it didn't say much about magic, more like talked about rhetoric. I don't feel you told a story or even went too much in depth with the topic.

I was also confused in the second stanza. It seemed like you are advocating us to view the world in a state of magical wonder, because we have been wounded by the tyranny of other pursuits, but then you go back on it, by saying

"so come seek inspiration from entertainting lies"

With that shot you are dismissing magic as lies..?

"It’s a monocle view peeking into the tunnel of logic
And seeing what fits and what needs to be discarded
The heart is never guarded, always open to the possible"

I was feeling that. I have a niece that's 5, sweet wise little girl, she loves everybody. I told her about goblins once, and every since occasionally she asks me with wide eyes if I've seen any goblins about. I have to reassure her that Goblins don't live near people, that they dwell in far away mountains, and then she nods her head like yeah I knew that okay lets go play now uncle.

Now Ink had interesting rhyme patterns, had more meat to his lines, meaning, they not only rhymed but they also; advance the story, created imagery, created mood, had wordplay, had humor, had imagery.

"A disheveled man, Rick's beard was more of a bib
NASA rocket scientist, days often spent with kids"

The wordplay irony imagery humor, with Rick's beard like a bib, but he spent time with the kids.

"At this point, he'd say a joke about a birds nest
Our jaws hanging open, begging for insects"

I'm not sure what to call this yet, it's like wordplay association I guess.
birds nest - jaws hanging open - begging for insects.

It gives life to the story, but creating that hunger of the students, but using clever wordplay to get your point across too.

I also felt you actually had something more to say then "Science is robots! It makes ships fly into the air! Science is chemical compounds!"

Technically stronger, more effective imagery and entertaining, creative, rhyme patterns, Ink had this down to a science for me.