WK11: AOWL CHAMPIONSHIP- Zen King (5-0) vs. Pent uP (4-1) -- Pent uP wins 5-4

UnbornBuddha · 01-07-2015, 03:21 AM

Zen had a verse based on concupiscence. You also thematically added a further notation in which you basically juxtaposed two lovers with contrasting perceptual differences in their relationship. The man has more of a lascivious demeanor with a need to continue participating in the ardent passions, while the woman preferred more of the traditional love ensemble. Go to Paris, and make love under the moonlight, while the man probably preferred the flood of adrenaline provided by the rush of animal magnetism, and afterwards smoke a cigarette as a reward of some kind as he contemplates the validity of his existence through the ecstasy provided by his impulses. You also ended the tale, I supposed, with a comment in which the man expressed his virility after the act wanting more even, Machismo at its best. The verse also had a flair of satire that pervaded at times over the emotional vehemence, albeit at times the mood became a bit discord as the two thematic dispositions clashed for spotlights. Mechanically it was fine, and though it was simplistic it delivered what it was intended to do.

Pent: I think you chose the most toilsome topic to depict, I commend you for that. The story flowed nice as well, a tale of scientists using a beat down machine on the brink of collapse, in the hope of attaining a glimpse of life on another planet. It is unknown if the scientists are even human, perhaps extraterrestrials, who become awed at humanity's space exploration achievements. That perspective would have been interesting. But, there is no specificity that this was the angle that this story was emanating from. I liked the obvious manner in which the pace of your story triumphed, it was free-flowing. Albeit, I will admit I found the greater theme a bit lackluster mainly because this kind of thing has been done before. Still, it carried a nice progression with mechanical proficiency.

Vote: Pent-Up

timeless · 01-07-2015, 10:53 AM

Weird battle to vote on. I enjoyed both verses to say the least. Zen's quick drunken sex/rape scene was great. The closer was dope. Pent's Mars exploration had a closer that wasn't that great, but pretty decent verse overall. I gotta give it to Zen here for more enjoyment and a better take on the topic.

V. Zen

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01-07-2015, 03:21 AM	#1
UnbornBuddha Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 1,008 Battle Record: 23-10 Champed - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 5 Rep Power: 23856379	Zen had a verse based on concupiscence. You also thematically added a further notation in which you basically juxtaposed two lovers with contrasting perceptual differences in their relationship. The man has more of a lascivious demeanor with a need to continue participating in the ardent passions, while the woman preferred more of the traditional love ensemble. Go to Paris, and make love under the moonlight, while the man probably preferred the flood of adrenaline provided by the rush of animal magnetism, and afterwards smoke a cigarette as a reward of some kind as he contemplates the validity of his existence through the ecstasy provided by his impulses. You also ended the tale, I supposed, with a comment in which the man expressed his virility after the act wanting more even, Machismo at its best. The verse also had a flair of satire that pervaded at times over the emotional vehemence, albeit at times the mood became a bit discord as the two thematic dispositions clashed for spotlights. Mechanically it was fine, and though it was simplistic it delivered what it was intended to do. Pent: I think you chose the most toilsome topic to depict, I commend you for that. The story flowed nice as well, a tale of scientists using a beat down machine on the brink of collapse, in the hope of attaining a glimpse of life on another planet. It is unknown if the scientists are even human, perhaps extraterrestrials, who become awed at humanity's space exploration achievements. That perspective would have been interesting. But, there is no specificity that this was the angle that this story was emanating from. I liked the obvious manner in which the pace of your story triumphed, it was free-flowing. Albeit, I will admit I found the greater theme a bit lackluster mainly because this kind of thing has been done before. Still, it carried a nice progression with mechanical proficiency. Vote: Pent-Up

01-07-2015, 10:53 AM	#2
timeless past tense Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: NJ Posts: 1,623 Battle Record: 22-39 Rep Power: 4341329	Weird battle to vote on. I enjoyed both verses to say the least. Zen's quick drunken sex/rape scene was great. The closer was dope. Pent's Mars exploration had a closer that wasn't that great, but pretty decent verse overall. I gotta give it to Zen here for more enjoyment and a better take on the topic. V. Zen