![]() |
![]() |
#2 |
( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,868
Battle Record: 17-32
Rep Power: 52474192 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
![]()
Enjoyed the content, but didn't like the first four lines at all. ''Out'' was way too repetitive even though you're doing the ''but the word before it rhymes!!!'', it's a personal thing though since I got beef with that trend. And that PAAADOOAWWW would have worked better if I had managed to make it work properly with something, as a reader I didn't get the desired effect I guess. After the first four lines however it gets better in that department and I enjoyed what you were putting forth. Decent written with some funny wordplay and references here and there like the Barbie/Aqua thing. It was pretty cool, but not among the better things you've written imo.
__________________
I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave,
So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave. www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o |
![]() |
![]() |
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|