American History X (league verse from other site)

[fenix osiris]

Originally Posted by ZenLand

she'd been there before, wasn't scared but shy, staring beneath her feet
his debonair allowed his bare skinned mare to share her sweetest treat
having an affair, he would say a prayer before he'd eat, and cheat
married to martha but she'd hardly compare to petite and sweet
^^My favorite lines in the whole verse. The wording here especially in the debonair line was crisp. Very nice.

The first stanza tbh I didn't enjoy too much. There was nothing wrong with it in terms of mechanics but I think it was a little boring imo. But the second stanza and the third stanza were quite enjoyable. That's when the story finally began to take hold and ended with the birth of GWC. Nice touch although I thought it might end with a famous person being born after reading about the affair lol. But really this is a good verse and I enjoyed it. Keep droppin holmes.

thanks dude, link me to a piece and i'll feed it.

also, did you know george washington carver invented peanutbutter? i'd consider him to be famous for that... lol