crazy topical i never got feed on..

Zen · 04-12-2013, 02:29 PM

What up patrown I never see you on this site anymore lol. But anywho this piece was good mainly because of the imagery it caputured from the opening line and that never stopped. The problem with this is the wording as everyone else has said. Some wording issues took away from lines that could have had more impact but thats no biggie. If you keep practicin that can be corrected with no problem. I try reading the lines out loud or rapping them and if they don't sound right rapping them, they won't sound right for another person to read it since they won't read it as you do. I hope this makes sense I'm trying to give constructive feedback here but I did like the piece. Keep droppin man.

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04-12-2013, 02:29 PM	#5
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	What up patrown I never see you on this site anymore lol. But anywho this piece was good mainly because of the imagery it caputured from the opening line and that never stopped. The problem with this is the wording as everyone else has said. Some wording issues took away from lines that could have had more impact but thats no biggie. If you keep practicin that can be corrected with no problem. I try reading the lines out loud or rapping them and if they don't sound right rapping them, they won't sound right for another person to read it since they won't read it as you do. I hope this makes sense I'm trying to give constructive feedback here but I did like the piece. Keep droppin man.