AOWL Week 8: Aesthetic (0-2) VS. Objective (1-2) [OBJECTIVE WINS, 6-3.]

Pent uP · 04-10-2013, 10:40 PM

Im just posting here to let mods know im hitting this and not to close it..

FIRST OF ALL FUCK YOU GUYS FOR GETTING THIS TOPIC..TOTW!

Objective -- I think its because this topic got me so worked up but to be honest I absolutely hated that you hit the pic more than quote. That quote is all I can think about really, its so powerful and has so many dimensions to touch on. oh well. Your verse was kind of quick and dirty. I feel like you just had this idea and you laid it on us and that was it. I dont feel like your idea went into DEPTH. This was just a scratch on the surface if you ask me - it was like u plotted out a course for these characters and then all you did was...rhyme that plot and not actually give it the details it needed to be powerful. I dont know. well i do but...i dont want to sound any pickier....

Aes -- I think you have the exact opposite problem as Objective, which is kinda funny to me that u 2 got pinned together. First I'd like to say work on your grammar, it sucks. Secondly I'd like to say that you used WAY to many bars for that concept. Thirdly I'd like to say - nice twist. The overall verse was kind of hard to read because of the awkward wording/grammar/and off beat lines. I think against a more polished writer you'd have a hard time winning but the concept was definitely there enough to make an impact. It was kind of foreseeable but at least you're thinking the right way I guess. I'm bummed you also didn't really tackle the quote, though in a way you did - and I think thats where most of my love comes from for this verse. You need to work on structuring, rhyming, grammar and saying more in less space but youve got a great foundation.

Vote -- Aes for having a well executed concept

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04-10-2013, 10:40 PM	#18
Pent uP Robin Williams of Fallen Victims Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 1,499 Battle Record: 25-11 Accomplishments - NC Hall of Fame Champed - Netcees Writers League (2x) - NWL Season 1 - Write Night I - Art of Writing League (2x) - Write Week IV Rep Power: 6862275	Im just posting here to let mods know im hitting this and not to close it.. FIRST OF ALL FUCK YOU GUYS FOR GETTING THIS TOPIC..TOTW! Objective -- I think its because this topic got me so worked up but to be honest I absolutely hated that you hit the pic more than quote. That quote is all I can think about really, its so powerful and has so many dimensions to touch on. oh well. Your verse was kind of quick and dirty. I feel like you just had this idea and you laid it on us and that was it. I dont feel like your idea went into DEPTH. This was just a scratch on the surface if you ask me - it was like u plotted out a course for these characters and then all you did was...rhyme that plot and not actually give it the details it needed to be powerful. I dont know. well i do but...i dont want to sound any pickier.... Aes -- I think you have the exact opposite problem as Objective, which is kinda funny to me that u 2 got pinned together. First I'd like to say work on your grammar, it sucks. Secondly I'd like to say that you used WAY to many bars for that concept. Thirdly I'd like to say - nice twist. The overall verse was kind of hard to read because of the awkward wording/grammar/and off beat lines. I think against a more polished writer you'd have a hard time winning but the concept was definitely there enough to make an impact. It was kind of foreseeable but at least you're thinking the right way I guess. I'm bummed you also didn't really tackle the quote, though in a way you did - and I think thats where most of my love comes from for this verse. You need to work on structuring, rhyming, grammar and saying more in less space but youve got a great foundation. Vote -- Aes for having a well executed concept