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Old 11-19-2014, 12:27 AM   #1
Vulgar
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UnbornBuddha - I fully enjoy how your imagination works. It's relentlessly producing stuff you deem worthy of being expressed, it's just that the way you filter it isn't compatible with the chemicals being released in your brain, and it comes out all uncoordinated; a jar of paint splashed on a cosmic wall. I think you'd benefit immensely from reading a few verses from Lord Shivas Siq Al, a "text legend" as they used to say. He liked writing long, epic length pieces where he jam-packed as many imaginative concepts as possible, but he did it with fluency and grace. You aren't there yet. The passion is there - it's a trebuchet of fire at this point. You need guidance to aim it and render it an effective siege weapon of AOWL warfare. Good rhyming, the sci fi story bordered on corny.

Defiant - Interesting twist. The writing was very regular here up until the point of departure which was clever and I wish you'd expanded on it more. I thought you could've tried to push the envelop with the wording more, got looser with the style and just approach in general. Close but no cigar describes this piece.

My vote goes to Unborn.

Last edited by Vulgar; 11-19-2014 at 12:29 AM.
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