WK4 : NYCSpitz(2-1) vs. Dead man(2-1) -- NYC 7-2

zygote · 10-26-2014, 08:47 PM

There was a lot of reference mixing and switching that made NYCSpitz's submission difficult to follow. E.g., it uses the biblical "Adam," the animal morphing of a Jataka tale, and then it goes onto to other miscellaneous stuff like angels, Armageddon and Sisyphean tasks. I understand that it's a child's overactive imagination, but even if that is the case, the wording is off. It's not that the language is too cerebral, the language is great and very descriptive. The main issue is that the references are inconsistent. It's all over the place. It's quite convoluted, it was difficult to understand. It was like you were going through each part of the picture and writing a few lines about a single thing then moving on rather than considering it all as a whole.

Similar critique for dead man. E.g., the part with the three lines with numbers in a row - while creative - had three seemingly separate references. It would have been nice to see a more focused effort or a more discerning use of outside references from both. Like keep the references but limit them to one area. This is a pretty weak justification for my vote, but the difference between each comes purely down to rhyme scheme and who rhymed words closer together here. Voting for dead man.

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10-26-2014, 08:47 PM	#8
zygote Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 501 Battle Record: 33-12 Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x) Champed - Art of Writing League (3x) Rep Power: 737828	There was a lot of reference mixing and switching that made NYCSpitz's submission difficult to follow. E.g., it uses the biblical "Adam," the animal morphing of a Jataka tale, and then it goes onto to other miscellaneous stuff like angels, Armageddon and Sisyphean tasks. I understand that it's a child's overactive imagination, but even if that is the case, the wording is off. It's not that the language is too cerebral, the language is great and very descriptive. The main issue is that the references are inconsistent. It's all over the place. It's quite convoluted, it was difficult to understand. It was like you were going through each part of the picture and writing a few lines about a single thing then moving on rather than considering it all as a whole. Similar critique for dead man. E.g., the part with the three lines with numbers in a row - while creative - had three seemingly separate references. It would have been nice to see a more focused effort or a more discerning use of outside references from both. Like keep the references but limit them to one area. This is a pretty weak justification for my vote, but the difference between each comes purely down to rhyme scheme and who rhymed words closer together here. Voting for dead man.