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[Splitty Octavius]

Originally Posted by WILLIAMSBURG, W.

THANKYOU FOR YOUR CALL MR. NINE. GOOD EVENING CITIZENS OF THE JURY. ON BEHALF OF MR. BLEEK WE CLAIM A SIMPLE CASE OF FALSE IDENTITY. THE FIRST DAMMING FACT IS THAT MR. BLEEK HAS AN IDENTICAL TWIN BROTHER.
EVIDENCE A: BLEEKS TWIN – THIS WAS THE CREATURE PHOTOGRAPHED WITH A) ONE POMPOM HAT. B) ACKNE INFESTED FEATURES.
TO CONTINUE. WE CLAIM BLEEK COULD NOT TAKE A PHOTOGRAPH OF HIS OWN MARIJUANA DUE TO ONE STOLEN AND BROKEN CAMERA DEVICE. THE ONLY LOGICAL ACTION WAS TO FIND A REPLACEMENT PICTURE USING A SIMPLE INTERNET SEARCH. NOW WHY SHOULD OUR INNOCENT ALBINIZED BLEEK BE PUNISHED FOR THE INNOVATION AND INGENUITY OF HIS TWIN BROTHER? NO, NO, NO. THEY SHOULD BOTH BE AWARDED. MEMBERS OF JURY LET US TAKE SOLACE AND REMEMBRANCE OF THE CLOWN-COURT THAT WAS WARTHOGSHED. LET THE INNOCENT REST IN PEACE, AND MAY A HASTILY MADE FALSE JUDGMENT OF THIS NATURE NEVER BE GIVEN AGAIN. WE PLEAD INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY IN THE DOTTED FACE OF THIS SO CALLED ‘LAUGHABLE’ EVIDENCE. FURTHER, WE ASK FOR ALL PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE OF MR. BLEEKS TWIN BROTHER TO BE STRICKEN FROM THE MEMORIES OF ALL, AND FOR MR. BLEEK TO BE ALLOWED TO CONTINUE UNMOLESTED WITH HIS NEW NEIGHBOR-PERSONALITY-STEALING E-PERSONA.

MEN AND GENTLE-MEN OF THE ESTEEMED AOB COURT

I WOULD LIKE TO ASK JUDGE CHESTER CHARLESWORHT FOR AN INJUNCTION DEMANDING THIS SO CALLED "BROKEN CAMERA" BE PRODUCED

FOR, AS CONFIRMED BY THE ROAST OF ROLL, ALL 2.0+ MEGAPIXEL IMAGE CAPTURING DEVICES CANNOT BE BROKEN BY HIDEOUSNESS LESS THAN 550 DIAHERTZ

AS THE PROSECUTION, I BELIEVE IT IS WELL WITHIN MY BOUNDS TO DETERMINE ONE MR WILLIAMSBURG TO BE LEGALLY BIASED TOWARDS HIS CLIENT MR BLEAK CONSIDERING HIS KNOWN AFFINITY FOR CLIENTS W/ WARTS AND BASEMENT COMPLEXES (AS PER BLEAKS BASEMENT LEVEL BOARDING)

LET US BE REMINDED OF HIS REPUTATION FOR LYING REGARDING HIS "UNDEFEATED FIGHT RECORD AROUND ST. LOUIS" CONTRASTING THOSE LAUGHABLE PICUTRES HE POSTED


LET US THEN ASK THE DEFENDANT TO PROVE WHETHER HE IS
A) FALSIFIED NARCOTICS DISTRIBUTOR PEDOBEAR
B) ACTUALLY OBESE AND SLINGS QPS TO NEIGHBORHOOD RUFFIANS IN HIS KENTUCKY SUBURBS AT THE LITTLE LEAGUE SNACK SHACK
C) SKINNY LONELY AND COMPULSIVE LIAR


SHOULD THE DEFENDANT BE ABLE TO PROCURE
A) NAMESTAMPED PICTURE OF HIM AND A GIRL ABOVE A 6.5 ON THE AAFB (AMERICAN ASSOCIATION FOR FINE BITCHES)*
B) NAMESTAMPED DRUG STASH
C) HIM NOT AS A 20SOMETHING POUND CAKE DEVOURING WIFFLEBALL PLAYING BOARDFIEND SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS DROPOUT

*(GIRL MUST NOT RESEMBLE HIS SISTER OR BE UNCONSCIOUS A LA ROAST OF GAMBLINI)


THE PROSECUTION RESTS