AOWL IV- Chat & Predictions [Week 2]

[Witty]

Originally Posted by PancakeBrah

My best friend from Ohio got divorced. They were married for, roughly, 6 months. They have a son together. They split because he was flirting, some rumors say more, with some other woman. He had been since before the wedding. Or, there were hints of discord because of his constant contact with the other woman. They separated, he got the other woman pregnant, wife found out, now they're divorced. From what he's posted on Facebook, and my text/chats with him, he's beyond happy, and contented. Has child support and now a second mouth to feed with a duplicitous woman who doesn't mind fucking a married man. His wedding, where I was a groomsman/gave a speech, kind of fucked me up. Beautiful ceremony, their son bringing the rings down the aisle, etc. Got me all depressed. I'm not one to blame others or situations on my own problems but it did cause a slide (started smoking again that night but that was a confluence of the circumstance and the fact I was in a warm situation contrasting the dearth of fulfillment here in NoDak) that I haven't really recovered from. So my whole existential/emo bullshit seems for naught, as I'm competitive and it was based on me feeling inadequate because someone, who is indeed a great friend, that I think of as 'lesser' than me being happy, and fulfilled in a marriage. Which is almost queer. But speaks to my family situation, which I won't get to on Netcees, more than anything. So to see him fine with a fucked situation now, seems to have me more mad. Happiness is an almost impossible state for some people, just due to genetics and life history. I'm resigned to that category, I think.

I don't believe in God or any fairy tales but I feel like inside people there is a freedom and a peace (I guess in some way a happiness)) that is not based on worldly matters, but on complete surrender to their true self, which is difficult because it's the opposite of what we are told to be.

just a feeling, i dunno, i'm depressed as fuck most of the time.